I keep asking myself what do I feel? Anger? Frustration? Disappointed? Sad? Betrayed? It has been few days since I got the news, but I still can not figure out what is it that bothers me.
I feel...empty. I can't say I feel nothing but I can't say I feel something. Maybe my mind is telling me that I SHOULD feel something but I am not feeling any. That is why I get this weird vibe every time I thought about it.
Seeing their pictures on Facebook is not much of a help. I deleted 1 off, so maybe I would not have to think so much. Don't really have the time to bother about them or care in my case. They always manage to bring the bad side out of me. Very very bad. Trying very hard to avoid most of the time.
As for her, I don't know. I don't feel like facing her just yet. I think I would be able to, eventually. I mean every time I looked at her, I feel nothing. Hollow. Let's just cast her aside for a moment. When the time comes, I will probably know what to do.
Their mishap makes me think a lot. I have done it before and now I have been in both position. Not fun but an experience. I can't make myself go angry at them because every single time my emotions wanna go crazy at them, my brain starts giving a flash back at what I have done before. I am as horrible as they are. So what rights do I have to go crazy at them? For all I know, this was my punishment. In that case, God has been kind on me. Letting me know only after He knows it won't hurt that much anymore.
I don't know what to make of this situation. I really don't. I have tried to leave it. You know, "Let bygone be bygone.". But it keeps creeping up back at me. Very annoying BTW.
Guess I just have to let time show me the answer...
