25 / May / 2009

With everything going on in our relationship... He stills know how to make me smile whole day long.... I have never gotten flowers from anyone on just a normal day. I mean no one will just show up in front of me and say ''Hey, you were really down yesterday so i thought this might cheer you up a little.'' and follow by the flowers in his hands.

He was throwing stones at my window this morning while i am still asleep like a pig. And i thought it was some stupid birds making weird noises again. So i open up the curtains and look out the window. OMG! There he was looking up at me! The first thing that came to my mind was ''is my hair messy????''. Then i ran downstairs to get him. Haha... And there he was standing in front of my door with a smile on his face. (I am still sleepy) Suddenly, he gave those flowers to me. (although i am not much of a flowers fan but i am still a girl, i still like my boyfriend buying me flowers) Those flowers really wake me up! Hehe... Then we just spend almost 5 hours in my room watching Chuck, laughing, cuddling, eating and talking about our problems. Love you lots D3AR! MXX!!!

The TORTURE behind the word APPROVAL

I am not asking much. I just wants approval. But i guess that day won't come. Not now nor in the future. I always wonder why my friends would want to change themselves just for some stupid approval from someone. I still remember when they come and ask me about what to do. I would always tell them to be themselves. Because in the end what you think of yourself is the most important. You might be pretending to be someone better. But you are not happy. So why do it???

I finally gets it. Wanting an approval from someone important is such a torture. Because you will never feel like you are good enough. You want to know badly about what they think about you. But when you found out that it wasn't what you wish it would be. It crushes you into a million pieces. Then you hide your true feelings inside and trying your very best to pick up those pieces again. When you finally got the strength to come out from your shell, it strikes you again.

That is how i feel right now. Never good enough. I am sorry i did not live up to their expectation. But i will not change. I might scold bad words, done wild and wrong things in my past, not those goody goody girls and etc. But that is who i am. I just wish if they would one day accept me. It is for who i am and not who i pretend to be.

This is ''FUN''!

What do you have:

[ ] Step-Father
[ ] Step-Mother
[ ] Step Sister
[ ] Step Brother
[ ] Brother
[ ] Brother In Law
[ ] Sister
[ ] Sister In Law
[ ] Half sister
[ ] Half brother
[ ] Nephew
[x] Niece
[x] Boyfriend/ Girlfriend
[x] Mobile phone
[x] Own bathroom
[x] Own room
[ ] Have/had a swimming pool
[ ] Have/had a hot tub
[x] Guest room
[x] Living Room
[x] Own computer
[ ] Own TV
Total: 8

[x] Full size/Queen bed
[x] More than 8 pairs of shoes
[x] MP3 Player/iPod
[ ] PS1/2/3
[ ] Nintendo DS or PSP
[ ] Gameboy/Advance
[ ] Gamecube
[ ] xbox/ xbox 360
[ ]Wii
[x] Own Laptop
Total so far: 12

[ ] Basketball net/hoop
[ ] Air hockey table
[ ] Pool table
[ ] Ping pong table
[ ] Foosball table
Total so far: 12

[x] night stand
[x] Stereo in bedroom
[ ] DVD player in bedroom/portable
Total so far: 14

[x] Go shopping at least once a week
[ ] Expensive cologne/perfume(birthday's present)
[x] AIM/MSN
[x] camera on phone
Total so far: 17


[x] Go Cart/car/quad
[ ]Guitar/drums/bass guitar
[ ] Piano/Keyboard
[ ] Any other instrument
[ ] Been on a cruise
[x] Traveled out of the country
[ ] Traveled out of the continent
[ ] Had a personal trainer
[x] Expensive jewelry
[ ] Met a Celeb
Total so far: 20

[ ]Straightener/curling iron
[ ]Have been to a batting cage
[x] Have $100 on you right now in cash at your house
[x] Credit card or ATM card or debit card or bank card
[ ] Have a TV in your room
[x] Mirror in your room (a teeny tiny one)
[x] Window in your room
Total so far: 24

[ ] Been to Paris
[ ] Been to Rome
[ ] Been to Hawaii
[ ] Been to Mexico
[ ] Been to Jamaica
Total so far: 24

[x] Parents have a car
[ ] Have owned or own a Jet ski/boat
[x] Had/have Camped
[x] Been to 3+ states
[x] 100+ buddies on facebook/myspace/friendster
Total so far: 28

[x] Home cooked meal almost everyday
[ ] Been in a limo
[ ] Been in a helicopter
[x] Own a camera
[ ] Have been to Disneyland/World more than 2 times
Total: 30

Post as:
1-25 = Humble!
26-40 = Average Teen!
41-50 = Spoiled Teen!
51+ = Upper Class Snob!

I suddenly miss him so much.... So i wrote this.....

''Sometimes the last person on earth you want to be with is the one person you can't live without.'' That sentence is from my favourite movie ''Pride and Prejudice''. 2 years ago i meet this guy... The 1st impression he gave me was CUTE!!!! (what can i think other than that??? I was only 16) I am already jealous the first time i saw him. He was with a friend of mine. Sobz.... Another cute boy gone.... But that time i was too in love with my ex-boyfriend that it doesn't really bother me long. Just a snap and i am back.

Half a year gone pass just like that.... I still remember how i use to yell at my girlfriends asking them to stop bothering me about him. Telling them and i quote '' I will never ever ever in my life be with him.''. Now look where i end up with???? Beside HIM!!!! Funny how all the stupid problem we have work out in the end. I have always hated his blurr-ness.... Wait! I still do sometimes. But i guess those blurr-ness of his has made him unique. And I LOVE HIM!!!!!

P.S Maggie, now you, Amanda and Punitha can rub it in my face....

Even though my love story is not as beautiful and memorable to everyone like ''Pride and Prejudice'' but i do have a love story of my own. No matter how imperfect it is, it is still mine. One and only. And i love it!

''I love you, Goodbye dear''

I just read your old post. I don't know why i suddenly have the a feeling to look back at us. I guess you are right. I didn't really give myself a chance to understand you. Maybe it is because i have seen the old you and it is kinda hard for me to believe and accept the new you. To be honest, i am not even sure about YOU. Going through everything made me realise why you hate me so much now. It is more easy to see now. More clearly than last time. When both of us have many things going on in our lives.

I am very happy for you. You found someone that understands you and loves you. From the way she describe how much you mean to her in her blog. It is clear that she loves you lots. Vice verse. I wish you all the best in the future. And lastly, THANKS FOR ALL THE MEMORIES!

Life so far....

I wonder how is my life soon.... Haha what a weird question. Well Ann has started his form 6. In orientation but still is considered starting or started. Feliz with her A-levels (i think)(if that is what she is really doing). I am still home alone everyday. Sitting in front of my computer and just stare at it sometimes. Dave is still in NS. It will take another 3 more weeks till he is finally free. And when he is back, i am starting my class already.

It sucks being at home everyday. Knowing that you don't have a friend to go out with. Well in my case, i don't have any friends. Just me all alone by myself. As usual. Dave ask me to make more friends when my class starts. I am kinda having negative thoughts about it. I mean everything will just probably end up people hating me or not liking me. I guess i am just scared. Scared of having everything and losing it again like in high school. I have to keep telling myself that i am not in high school anymore. But the past still haunts me. That i can't deny.

It got me thinking that all the negative vibe have something to do with his ex-girlfriend. I was randomly checking all my pictures in facebook. Tagging those that i miss out. I found a picture of her, so i tag her. The next thing i get is a comment on my wall calling me an idiot and she asking me to stay off and it is her last warning to me. It hurts! Well technically i was furious. I mean i did nothing wrong. Maybe i was wrong for asking him to go with her and give it a try last time. (i should not have given that advice) Well as for now i am still furious. I don't deserve that!

P.S Yes, AGL, i was really surprise you did the tagging thing. LOL... I am sorry for tagging you to such thing that is just plain wasting your time.....

Weekend sleep over at Mag's house

THE slumber party is over..... I won't call it a slumber party though. Its more of a sleep over. Everything didn't went according to plan except the beach thing. Love that part! With the moon and sea breeze and Dave there... It is so prefect!

Desmond turn out to be really cool..... He don't talk much but he is kinda fun to hang around with. As usual, me and Mag are constantly crazy. Laughing for no specific reason. Like two lunatic. Haha!!! LOVE HER LOTZ!!!!! The cooking was fun. I went girly when it comes to cooking. Running away for the pan. As far as possible. Finally, Mag take over. Haiz.... pai sheh.... Des's squid was awesome.... Mag keep eating. Hide beside her and keep eating. Is her plan. I knew it! She don't want let me eat! SOBZ.... Her evil plan! The chicken soup was extremely salty! It is over my limit! Even i think it is salty.

Dave is so sick... He is burning when i went and see him. Gave him all the medicine but end up at night he eats McDonald with us. And he quote ''It is because lack of McDonald that make me sick. I should eat more! By tomorrow i am sure to be healthy''. I don't know how it happen. But the next day he is really fine. Fever is gone. It is so weird....... I wonder will that work for me.....?????

Over all it was fun and great... There is only two things that suck! 1st is at night. Can't sleep for 2 whole night!!!! 2nd is something very sensitive..... I rather not say... Only people there with me would know. Mag would be the most understanding 1. Because even she can't stand it.... LOLZ.....

Slumber Party!

Mother's Day is coming.... I haven't got a clue of what i wanna get for my mom. I am super dead! Dave is another problem. He haven't even thought of Mother's Day yet. I am so screwed!

So...slumber party this weekend at Mag's house. Wow! It is going to be great. I mean Mag, Des, me, Dave, Phoebe and Ivan is going to be there. Is going to be so fun. Until i got a call from Mag telling me that her friend feel awkward about me being there. That hurts! Why does all this things always happen??? And Ivan don't even like the idea that i am around. More hurt! Ouch! Maybe i should not go... But i know that will just piss Mag off more. She is already piss like crap now. I don't wanna make things worse. I just hope things would turn out fine.... If only i could do something to make it better. Love you Maggie! Mxx!!!!

Diploma or Foundation????? / Aussie or my BaBy????

My goodness....my life is so bored!!!! I have nothing to blog about... Can you imagine how meaningless and BORING my life could be???? Mum is messing with my brain again about college. Why must she always do that??? I wanted foundation and i applied for it and got diploma. Wah lah! Her wish came true since she has always wanted me to take diploma instead of foundation. Fine! I finally set my mind on diploma. Then CRAP! She started asking me about foundation. Now i am so freaking confuse.... Forget it! I am going to take diploma in MMU, Melaka then off i go to KL for degree at some other college. By the time i finish my diploma i would be 20. Great time for me to fight for my rights!

Now another headache, Aussie or BaBy???? Aussie my dream. BaBy my love. Damn this SUCKS! Why must everything happen on the same week?????????????? I could have had both... But NOOOOOOOO!!!! I have to choose. Why??? Because life is unfair! They take you on an awesome ride then before you know it, YOU ARE THROWING UP! Well anyway, my choice is stay in mlk. I will have another chance next time. (i guess) Well if i don't, then DAVID TEO KIAN HAN, YOU HAVE TO BRING ME!!!!!!!!