The TORTURE behind the word APPROVAL

I am not asking much. I just wants approval. But i guess that day won't come. Not now nor in the future. I always wonder why my friends would want to change themselves just for some stupid approval from someone. I still remember when they come and ask me about what to do. I would always tell them to be themselves. Because in the end what you think of yourself is the most important. You might be pretending to be someone better. But you are not happy. So why do it???

I finally gets it. Wanting an approval from someone important is such a torture. Because you will never feel like you are good enough. You want to know badly about what they think about you. But when you found out that it wasn't what you wish it would be. It crushes you into a million pieces. Then you hide your true feelings inside and trying your very best to pick up those pieces again. When you finally got the strength to come out from your shell, it strikes you again.

That is how i feel right now. Never good enough. I am sorry i did not live up to their expectation. But i will not change. I might scold bad words, done wild and wrong things in my past, not those goody goody girls and etc. But that is who i am. I just wish if they would one day accept me. It is for who i am and not who i pretend to be.