Bits and pieces...

Occasionally, my past sneaks in and poke me a little. It is like it never wants me to forget. It doesn't bother me that much any more. Still. It always caught me off guard. What can I do right? I was the one that created it...

Sometimes, it makes me feel like there is no way that I could ever start over. Have a new beginning. Different life... People from my past doesn't seem to want to let go. They pass on the stories, the rumours and the lies to the people in my present. I consider myself lucky though. They might not understand, but they respect and accept. That is something that certain people from my past couldn't do. It does not really matter whether have I done anything to them or not. What matters to them, is what they have seen and heard. They never really know the truth. Even knowing now wouldn't change anything...

I am different but I am not different. I am abnormal but I am normal.

Just one question; What gives you the right to hate someone, when you don't even know them?

This is NOT who I am. This is what I WANT to be.

There are several people that I care about in my life that always makes me want to stab myself in the heart when I am trying to talk some sense into them. They make me so frustrated and mad and helpless! They make me feel AWFUL! Dave told me once, that he can't stand people that don't know what they are doing but are still doing it, even though other people have told them it is not right. He said that he prefer people that still do what they want to do even though they know its wrong. Because at least they have a clear conscious of what they are doing.

I DISAGREE! People that don't know what they are doing still have hope in finding out the crack. They still have hope. They still can be help. As for people that know what they are doing but still go on living their everyday life doing SHITS that they think is right, well... They are the most hopeless and pathetic ones.

I always use the sentence " This is who I am. This is how I do it." It is not wrong to use it, but we used it so often that we have unconsciously glued our self to the stupid fact that THIS IS WHO WE ARE. It makes us stop growing as a person. Stop opening up our heart and eyes to see the world. To evaluate matters. To accept people. Differently. We prisoned our self!

I was one of the victim too. Everyone around you is telling you to be who you are. Be yourself. There is a deeper meaning to that sentence. It is not just about being who you are now, it is about being who you want yourself to be! It is about making decision based on who you want to be.

Julie's quote...

It is 24 March 2010. The clock is about to strike 5pm. I am sitting on my bed and just finished watching Julia & Julie AGAIN! It is amazing how a movie can affect some one's life. In these case, the 2 hours 3 minutes 24 seconds movie has officially made me see something in my life.

I may not have the will power to stuck myself in front of the stove to cook a delightful and delicious meal. That does not mean I don't have passion for something else. Although I do hope to have the cooking passion, but sad to say... I don't. When Julie said, quote "So I will cook my way through Julia Child's cook book and write a blog about it but I would probably need a deadline. Because otherwise, it would be like everything else I do. Lets face it, I'd finished anything." That quote applies to me in every way! Cut out a few words, replacing them with my words. It is a perfect way to describe my life.

Yet, she did it! She did "the impossible"! She proved to herself that she can. Watching her almost made me felt her happiness in me. That feeling of achieving something you are passionate about and even knowing it seem to you, it is impossible. But you did it! That feeling is irreplaceable! Now it made me feel like sticking my head into something I am passionate about and make sure I accomplish my goal! Challenge myself to something that will change my life!

So there you had it, I am on a journey in finding my passion in life and pursuing it in whatever mean possible! Wish me luck! ^_^

Pretty-damn-weird-kick-ass LIFE!

One thing that I love about my life is that I never know what is going to happen the next second. A friend of mine name David Woon, once told me that I have a lot of interesting people around me. (he is still reminding me that every time I have a new story to tell) At that moment, I wasn't convince. Sure, I have been telling pretty bazaar stories to him. Yet, I am not convince. But as I go more and more into my stories, I realise I do have a lot of interesting people around me. Those people, some just magically appeared in my life, some I welcomed them, some I pursued them and some are just meant to be. So when I am sitting at home and everyone thinks I am a loner and doesn't like socialising. Well, to those that know me, they know I have a pretty-damn-hell-weird-kick-ass LIFE!

P.S. Thanks, David. You showed me what a life I have all this while, that I have been over-shadowing it with all my pathetic-lame excuse about how boring life can be.

P.S.S. David, you have become on of those interesting people...

Little creature!

I got a call last night from a very odd friend. She called me and told me that kissed a random stranger last weekend. I have never imagine before that I would be the one she called after such adventurous moment in her life. (I mean what can I say, she is kinda in a relationship) But somehow, I was flattered. I know it is not a monumental thing but still, it makes me feel that she wants me in her life.

When she going on about how it happened, I was actually imagining myself doing it. It has always occur to me that I am that kind of person that would do something like that. Instead of what I am doing now. Home almost 24/7 - class. No movie night, no late night supper with friends, no shopping spree with "girls" and those other crazy stuff. I secretly wish I would have her courage to do what she have done and more, but I guess that just isn't me. It is just what I want to be. Like a little rebellious creature trap in my mind wanting to get out, but little did I know, that creature is comfortable at where she is.

I don't think its right but at the same time, it makes perfect sense. So I told her, I don't encourage it BUT I was happy she did it!

P.S. Sometimes, doing something wrong might just lead you to the right path...

I need strangers...

It has been like what??? A month??? I don't actually have an adventurous life. So months pass by as if there is nothing different in the air. I used to blog about my problems... Then one day I realise my problems are getting more private than they used to be. This suck big time! Blogging was the was I release most of my frustration, anger, sadness and all the possible emotion humans can feel... But I can't do that no more. I can only tell people that I am sad but not why. I can only tell people that I am angry but not who made me. I can only tell people that I am frustrated but not what or who have cause it.

Ever felt like just walking up to a total stranger who have no idea who you are and just tell him/her everything?! I have felt that way! I was lying on my bed one night, staring up on my fan and wonder, can I just randomly type a message and send it to a unknown number. Can I then tell him/her everything??? I almost did it, but I was too much of a coward to make it happen.

I have a urge wanting to create another blog account that non of my friends will know about. Then, I can at least release everything there. Even though there might be no one reading it, but still, at least I feel much better after pouring my feelings out... Maybe that is what I should do... Writing to strangers...

Monday bliss...

Its Monday! I don't know why no matter how I try to make Monday sound nice and cheerful, it will never be... I feel sorry for Monday... Anyway, I had fun today/night. Its been long since the last time I went out with my boyfriend. Miss him lots! Finally got my hand on Domo!

P.S. At last after a very long wait (I am lying), I finally got to meet FUR-BALL! I hope I could get a nice picture of him soon.... Will upload it ASAP!