Did I do it wrong again? Cuz it feels like it. I am tired.

Here comes 2010...

Grieving is all I could express right now, or maybe for the whole coming month. Although I have never thought of how "the day" would come. It can be illustrate in a blink of an eye or just a moment of rain in the desert.

I am happy for him. Proud of him. But I can't help myself by feeling sad. I know it would make it harder for him to go in peace. I feel terrible too. Deep down, a part in my heart keep telling me to stay strong. It is just a part of all the obstacle that we have to face in the future. Which are yet come.

If irrevocably is a irreversible word literally. I would still use it to describe my feelings towards him, without thinking about the consequences. I have always wished I have better vocabs. There is so many mix emotions in me that I have no words to portray.

Its the 1st day of 2010. I know I should not be posting sad story. Kinda lame right? The way I welcome 2010? Well for me it is a beginning of a horror, sorrow and empty nightmare. So its kind of hard for me to find a reason to celebrate. Sorry guys...

"Hungover"

I fought with him last night, or should i say 4 in the morning. I am so worried about him. I keep wondering what is he thinking, what is he doing, is he sad, is he angry, is he suffering, is he feeling sick, is he... is he... is he...! So many questions running through my brain like a waterfall flowing down non stop. I wish he would tell me the truth about his feelings. I wish that last night didn't happened. I couldn't say who's fault was it, because both of us is kinda in the wrong. And the situation he is in just makes it worst. Whats more hurtful, is that now his brother and friends thinks i am bothering him all the time. Which i don't!

Waking up, knowing there is people thinking bad about you and your parents just start going crazy on you when you see them in the morning, is like waking up from a hungover. I am just so lifeless... Walking around without directions. My brain is about to explode due to millions of questions stuck in it. I am having a kind of feeling that i have no idea how to describe. Is like there is something draining out my soul from my body but i can't figure it out, what is it that is doing it! That feeling is so helpless. I know something is not right with me but i can't do anything to make it better....

Microeconomics assignment.....

The article shows the action of homeowners might take if the interest rate is being cut. Which can be relate to the, Law Of Demand; other things remaining the same, the higher the price of a good, the smaller is the quantity demanded; the lower the price of a good, the larger is the quantity demanded. Another law that can be include is the, Law Of Supply, states that; other things remaining the same, the higher the price of a good, the greater is the quantity supplied; and the lower the price of a good, the smaller is the quantity supplied. The reason why it can be related to these two laws is because the homeowners or customer acts as a demand and the bankers’ acts as a supplier.

As stated in the article, the property prices have dropped by between 10% and 15% since late last year. This event has made a drastic change in the equilibrium state. When equilibrium price decreases, the quantity/supply would increase but the changes in the price and quantity/supply does not affect the equilibrium status. Therefore, it still remains in the equilibrium state, only with a lower equilibrium price and higher quantity/supply.

Subsequent effects of the events are all possible changes in demand and supply. A change demand or supply on both demand and supply changes the equilibrium price and the equilibrium quantity. According to the article, “When the price fetched as high as it did last year, prices of oil and raw materials were escalating; but as land area in KLCC is scarce, its property prices won’t go down as much”. This passage clearly shows the substitute good for demand. As for the complement good, it is stated in the article that, “In some ways, the decline in the property market helps to stabilise rental rates for some developments, such as the luxury condominium units located in the Kuala Lumpur City Centre (KLCC) vicinity.” The decline of property market has acts as a complement to help stabilise the rental rates that used to be high.

The strategies adopted by companies and government to mitigate the effects on demand or supply can be seen when the prices of oil and raw materials rises. It a technique used by the companies and government to make sure there won’t be any big changes in the overall economy. So that the property prices won’t go down too much.

By adjusting the price and quantity/supply, it would have given the graph a whole new equilibrium point. This would adjust the price mechanism. This is due to the dropped of the property prices late last year by 10% to 15%.

P.S. Does anyone understand the whole essay???? Because i don't get a SINGLE THING! And i am the one that writes it!

Diploma or Foundation????? / Aussie or my BaBy????

My goodness....my life is so bored!!!! I have nothing to blog about... Can you imagine how meaningless and BORING my life could be???? Mum is messing with my brain again about college. Why must she always do that??? I wanted foundation and i applied for it and got diploma. Wah lah! Her wish came true since she has always wanted me to take diploma instead of foundation. Fine! I finally set my mind on diploma. Then CRAP! She started asking me about foundation. Now i am so freaking confuse.... Forget it! I am going to take diploma in MMU, Melaka then off i go to KL for degree at some other college. By the time i finish my diploma i would be 20. Great time for me to fight for my rights!

Now another headache, Aussie or BaBy???? Aussie my dream. BaBy my love. Damn this SUCKS! Why must everything happen on the same week?????????????? I could have had both... But NOOOOOOOO!!!! I have to choose. Why??? Because life is unfair! They take you on an awesome ride then before you know it, YOU ARE THROWING UP! Well anyway, my choice is stay in mlk. I will have another chance next time. (i guess) Well if i don't, then DAVID TEO KIAN HAN, YOU HAVE TO BRING ME!!!!!!!!

A cut that never seem to heal.....

I am sad. Deep in me i am hurt by what you have done. But it does not matter to you anymore. I am no one to you. Not even a friend. That is how you are. Maybe i did do mistake and be selfish about us. But i cannot think of a reasonable reason why are you acting this way towards me. All the words.... Now you are saying to her. I am not jealous. I just dont understand how you move on so fast. If you say i did the same to you, then you are wrong. I never say i love you more than a friend. I like you. When i am with you, i have always been truthful. I guess you just dont see it in your eyes. I dont blame you. A girl like me is very hard to trust. I never make my choice from what "THE MARKET" is offering. I make my choice from my heart. And i love him. That is why i am with him. I am very happy that you found someone. At least you are cheerful again. I guess me and you are just like that, friend, no friend, friend again and finally no friend. I just want you to know that i treasure you alot. More than other people think i should. You would always be my friend no matter what happen. Finally, I AM SORRY!

I care too much......

I am not shock of what you are saying. But i am stunned. You are living in your own world. I never tell anyone about the relationship. Not just you. They ask i answer. They never ask i say nothing. Is just that simple. You posted a comment on his page. I assume you know. I am sorry that would my fault. I should not have assume. You promise something to me. And as usual, you never keep it. Is not his fault that you think i am a fake to you. So why drag him in???? I do care for you. You got no idea how many people just ask me to stop caring so much about you. But never listen. I guess i have to bare with the result now....

The End of "Confused"

I am not blaming anyone. I am those people that got no idea what she did that makes people angry. (unless if its obvious) If you say i started all this then i will end it now.... Sorry my emotion just got on to me at that moment..... Not acting innocent. There is nothing innocent about me. And i am very clear about that. Sorry for all the trouble....

Just updating

I have just receive the offer letter from MMU the other day.... I feel so suck-ish... I applied for foundation but i guess i am just to stupid so they put me down to diploma... I really dont want to go for diploma.... It make me feel so unqualified for foundation.... But i talk to a friend today and he encourage me to go for diploma..... I can still work my way up from there.... Just have to be more hardworking.... Well then, thanks to him... I have decided that i will stick to diploma.... I am fortunate enough to have a chance to study. So i should not be so picky.... I mean it is my own fault for getting such horrible result.... I have myself to blame for everything....

David leave for NS again today. After few days of MC from NS due to his gastric..... Really want him to be back and dont have to go again.... But instead i just pray hard that he will be fine and stay healthy. Thats all that matter.... I will wait.... It is only 2 months and a few weeks left.... (Oi! I sound so pathetic!) Time will go fast.... Nothing to worry about..... He will be back and this time i hope (please GOD!!! Let us finish that level) we can finish HOTD4.... We are always so close..... Err.....hate it!

Confused 3

I am not angry and i do care even if any of you guys dont. I dont have to have a life because i am living in one now and i love it.... I am not saying i want you to come up to me and say "Hi! I miss you so much!!!" I dont expect anything from you now... I just wish that one day if after many years and i meet you on the street, i just dont wish we look like we dont know each other. Thats all. I know you dont care. In fact, you dont have to.... I am not even angry that you blame everything on me or say i started everything. If you like it better that i am invisible then so be it.... If it makes you guys happy then it is fine by me...

P.S. I am not trying to pretend to be nice here. Whether you believe or not. I am just saying whatever i really felt....

Confused 2

There is so many things i wanna say to you guys... My feeling now, i just wanna yell out loud. BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But thats not really what i want to say. I really wish i can be lock up 1 day in a room with you... I dont even mind if in the beginning you wanna yell at me... I just wanna talk to you and make you understand what i really meant to say... I am not angry or hate you girls even if i am invisible or a bitch to you girls... What i wrote in my blog is the truth... I am not lying... There might be a lot of misunderstanding in all this crap..... 1 very important thing tat i wanna say is about AGLN. I am very speechless because someone just came to me 1 day and tells me that she dislike me. My first reaction was "????HUH???? What i did???".

P.S I seriously do not know why you hate me.... SOBZ.....

Me = xxx????

Very confused... I guess i am being really stupid asking her who is it... But i really dont know at that moment.... I cant put my hand on the delete button to delete those post.... To me, those are my stories....my past... It does not matter to me whether it is sad, happy or anything else... What matter is, it is my past and i would really want it to be a part of me now... Because my past have made me who i am now.... I might not be prefect. I might have people that dislike me... But whatever it is, i love who i am now.... I am learning everyday from everything i did in my past... So i really cant find a way to delete them... I am really sorry my mei mei.... I know you would think i am really selfish for hurting you.... But it has been a choice that i have made from the day i start accepting myself... I love and care for you very very much.... But i am sorry about the choice that i have made.....

A post that meant to be for myself....

I am not saying that no one understand what i am going through.... But understanding and being on the spot is two very different thing... My brain and my everything is craving for attention now... I want attention surround me non-stop.... And those attention would lead to hurt for other people... I should not be jealous. In fact i have no rights to be jealous... If i really am jealous, then i should better isolate myself from the world... From everything!!!! But i cant. I cant stop seeking for attention that i dont deserve... That was not mine to have... How do i stop??? I wanna blame someone for all the mess i am creating here... But i cant. Because it is no one's fault. It is just my own stinking rubbish... A huge pile of rubbish in my head that i cant seem to get rid off... I wanna quit my job, run up to KL and work for my aunt, hide up there as long as possible while waiting for college to start. Finally get into college and settle down. Throw myself into a pile of homework or whatever assignment. Maybe that time all the books could help my get through this stupid and pathetic stage in my life... And again, i cant. I have made a commitment that i would work till the end of April. If i quit now, i would create a lot of trouble. Running up to KL is not going to solve anything at all. I probably create more mess-up situations. Sigh* Why dont i have a brain that work properly??? A brain, body and heart that communicate in a directly proportional way???

Out Of My Mind!!!!!

What is wrong with my brain???? Haha.... It keep playing games with me... I keep having different emotions... So weird... Is like 1 minute i care so much and the next minutes i just dont really seem to care.... Cant seem to get my brain.... Can you believe it??? My own brain!!!! This is funny at the same time very weird.... I guess me and my brain dont always speak the same language... Do anyone know how to communicate with my brain??? Please leave a message or call me... I would really appreciate it.... Will be waiting....

F myself!!!!!!!!!!

Do i still mind??? Why do i still get butterflies in my stomach when i see those pictures??? I am really confused... Why can i get over every great guy i have ever been with but not this jerk??? Why do my heart still ache everytime i think of him??? I wanna cry... I really wanna cry... But my tears just wouldnt come out... I want to cry so much... So badly... I want my eyes to ache.... I want to shout out loud!!!! I wanna lose my voice... I want to look him in the eyes and tell him, he is a jerk.... I want to yell at him!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Medicine + Valentine = ?????

Lol.... People tend to misunderstand for even slight actions.... It was valentine last 2 night and i heard my friend was finding for a medicine so i just get it for him when i saw it... gave it to him on that day... And people just start creating stories... That i "like" him... This is so funny.... It is a medicine... Medicine + Valentine = ???? They dont mix.... If his girlfriend is reading this... It is just for a friend. Thats it... Nothing else.... And i have never "like" him before.... Nothing happen before.... Friends last time and friends always.... LOL...

Last Supper.....

Hate it when a small misunderstand makes people hate me... What have i done again??? I have explain everything and what i really mean to say.... Why does she still hate me???? There goes another friend.... Well i dont even think she even thought me as one before.... Haiz... I still have face her everyday.... So i guess the LAST SUPPER that night at Jonny's would be the end of all the awesome memories i have.... Sobbing away now... Just read her blog... I dont know if she mean me or not... But i just assume because its pretty obvious....

"The Walk"

I know being in love probably would be the greatest feeling in the world... I would really wish i could feel it some day... But i am very sure i hope that day dont come anytime soon... I have to take a walk with myself first before i could take someone along with me... I would walk with someone one day... But that day would be a long wait... All i cant do now is to try my very best to finish this walk of mine first and on the way not to get tempted by anything around me... I need to know my strength.....

Now my first priority is to stay working as long as i could. Get into college. Settle down. And then i might think about it... Think about what i am going to do next....

Valantine Day craziness

Omg omg!!!! I have to stop!!! STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!! I have to stop doing this! Stop doing things that would end up hurting people... I cant do this no more... I cant stand it... Being such an absolute idiot... Being so easily affected...

I cant be in love... I DONT WANNA BE IN LOVE!!!!!! Errrrr.... i feel like knocking myself to the wall now. Bang Bang and Bang!!!! Knock some sense out off me... Out of my brain.

Hypothesis :
1st - I am thinking overly crazy about everything... Thinking in so many different ways that everything got jumble up and now i am going woo-hoo....

2nd - I am not over him... Not over that idiot jerk that has been killing me for the past one and a half year... Still got sad every time i think of him...not for what he have done to me. But is to what i have feel about him all this time. Which i am still confused. I just feel sad and gloomy each time i think of him...

3rd - Having some mental problem or phobia against relationships issues... Just wanna get as far away as possible from it...

Conclusion : All three hypothesis is accepted. In short form.... I am a crazy, pathetic, freaking a**hole!!!!

Confused????

I really hate to see my classmate at my working place.... Is not that i dont want to see them.... I am happy to see them... Is just that i always look invisible to most of them.... I try to make myself understand and except it but its just so hard because the truth is i have never done anything to them....

1st girl _ AGL - I have never done anything to you... I have already talk to him less after he is your bf.... I never even touch him.... Dont even dare to talk to him alone... I pull up my skirt up to my knee in class because i am hot!!! Not to show off my legs or trying to be horny.... And fyi, no one wants to see!!!! Your bf hit my car, so why are you giving me that face???? I am not even blaming him or you... You just hate me.... FOR WHAT!!!????

2nd girl _ MCL - I want to say "GET A LIFE".... But that is too harsh. So....why are you doing this???? Izzit just because one of your best friend is my ex, one of your ex is my ex or one of you "bro" is my ex???? You are the one spreading rumours and talking horrible crap behind my crap.... And in the end you are the one that hate me?????

3rd girl _ JY - Halo???? Do we even know each other that well??? We have never spoken to each other more than 10 words???? As a matter affect i dont even think we know each other more than our name.... Out of no where you just decided that you should hate me??? That you can throw the plate of food you are suppose to serve me.... ??????

4th girl _ AGLN - Omg...this is more weird.... I dont even know where to start.... I think of your name and i am just speechless.....