I heard my heart shattered today. I knew this would be the last. It will never be mend again. Somehow I don't mind it to be a cycle, because I know at least there is still love...
I don't pray for her to find her way. I have no rights to say she is lost. Just pray that God would keep her safe and take care of her. Which is something that I can no longer do.
I know I am not much of a good friend to her. I apologies for that. But I would stand my ground for things that I did not do wrong. In which, I believe that she would come to understand it one day.
I will not say my goodbyes to any of 'her'. I no reason too. I always think that Blair is stupid. No matter what Serena does to her. She forgives. Somehow again, I believe that all three of us are the same. We just all need different time to adapt.
Both of you will do great. That is how both of you are. And always will be... I won't disappear. I won't run. I won't be in denial. I won't avoid. I would just be here. Then again, I start wondering...does it matter?
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
20
I had a fantasy from the day I met you. I never run wild till I was sure. I remember staring at you across the lab. At that moment I was certain about a few things... I was 17.
1) I am going to be with that guy.
2) I love him.
3) I know he loves me.
Now,
1) We love each other.
2) I am going to marry him.
3) He is not yet the man he could be...
My question to myself now is, what am I willing to give up?
1) I am going to be with that guy.
2) I love him.
3) I know he loves me.
Now,
1) We love each other.
2) I am going to marry him.
3) He is not yet the man he could be...
My question to myself now is, what am I willing to give up?
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Past...Present...Future
A year ago, I would say, "Ok, this is happening."
A year before that, I would say, "OMG! Is this really happening?! I can't believe it! I have to tell .......... *my bitches " >.<
A week ago ~ "This is getting out of hand. It feels untrue. Am I suppose to slap myself back into reality or just slap myself?! Or is this REALITY?!" *FREAK OUT!!!!
60 minutes before now ~ "I am afraid. I can't make myself not be. It is just there. No matter how hard I try, it just don't go away!" *long pause "I should chill. He is talking to me. Next to me. Telling me that he loves me. I should chill." "I CAN'T CHILL?! The more convince I am that he loves me, the more impossible it is for me to CHILL!" *its too good to be true
Now. ~ *still doesn't have the answer to all of my questions
Future. ~ Still would be fill with doubts by others. But does it matter?
A year before that, I would say, "OMG! Is this really happening?! I can't believe it! I have to tell .......... *my bitches " >.<
A week ago ~ "This is getting out of hand. It feels untrue. Am I suppose to slap myself back into reality or just slap myself?! Or is this REALITY?!" *FREAK OUT!!!!
60 minutes before now ~ "I am afraid. I can't make myself not be. It is just there. No matter how hard I try, it just don't go away!" *long pause "I should chill. He is talking to me. Next to me. Telling me that he loves me. I should chill." "I CAN'T CHILL?! The more convince I am that he loves me, the more impossible it is for me to CHILL!" *its too good to be true
Now. ~ *still doesn't have the answer to all of my questions
Future. ~ Still would be fill with doubts by others. But does it matter?
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Monday bliss...
Its Monday! I don't know why no matter how I try to make Monday sound nice and cheerful, it will never be... I feel sorry for Monday... Anyway, I had fun today/night. Its been long since the last time I went out with my boyfriend. Miss him lots! Finally got my hand on Domo!
P.S. At last after a very long wait (I am lying), I finally got to meet FUR-BALL! I hope I could get a nice picture of him soon.... Will upload it ASAP!
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
January Holidays Plan!
When out tonight with Mag... Both of us are so lifeless! Haha! She is too bored staying at home everyday with no internet, I am too bored staying at home everyday too but I have internet. Anyhow, I am still bored. Nothing else to do. Well I'm just too lazy to do anything that involve moving more than my fingers. I sound SO LAZY!
I force her to get a drink at Starbucks today. I want the 2010 planner so badly. For what? I don't know. I just never had it before. So I want it! I got it, thanks to my mum for yesterday's hot chocolate and Mag for buying a drink today. We sat at MP Starbucks for an hour talking about all kinds of things. Well, most of it are kind of kinky. I mean it is normal when you put me and Mag together. That is usual the result.
For what I have done for these few days, well, I decided to have a vacation with the girls! Me, Mag and Feliz! I wanted to go Singapore with Mag at first, but money issue came up and miss Maggie does not have a passport... Moving on. Then I suggested Penang, which we both agree on too. Here comes the but. BUT, I realise with my mum's sudden questioning, that my holidays end on the 18th. So that would mean no time to plan. How sad right?
Not to worry. I came up with the last resort. Vacation De Le Damansara! Yup! Going up to KL this Thursday! With Mag of course, coming back with her too. (please pray for me anyone who reads this, pray that she won't bail on me last minute) We, include me, Mag and Feliz, are spending hopefully two nights at Mag's house in Kota Damansara! I am not putting too much hope in it. Every time I put too much hope everything usually came down crashing.
I love how the plan is so random. Out of the blues. LOVE IT!
P.S. Dave doesn't know about this. I don't want his brother or his parents or worst HIM, thinks that I go up there for him. That, I am clingy. I wasn't thinking about him at all when I plan this. I dare to post this up is because he never reads my blog. Advantages! Hehe! So please.... Shh....
I force her to get a drink at Starbucks today. I want the 2010 planner so badly. For what? I don't know. I just never had it before. So I want it! I got it, thanks to my mum for yesterday's hot chocolate and Mag for buying a drink today. We sat at MP Starbucks for an hour talking about all kinds of things. Well, most of it are kind of kinky. I mean it is normal when you put me and Mag together. That is usual the result.
For what I have done for these few days, well, I decided to have a vacation with the girls! Me, Mag and Feliz! I wanted to go Singapore with Mag at first, but money issue came up and miss Maggie does not have a passport... Moving on. Then I suggested Penang, which we both agree on too. Here comes the but. BUT, I realise with my mum's sudden questioning, that my holidays end on the 18th. So that would mean no time to plan. How sad right?
Not to worry. I came up with the last resort. Vacation De Le Damansara! Yup! Going up to KL this Thursday! With Mag of course, coming back with her too. (please pray for me anyone who reads this, pray that she won't bail on me last minute) We, include me, Mag and Feliz, are spending hopefully two nights at Mag's house in Kota Damansara! I am not putting too much hope in it. Every time I put too much hope everything usually came down crashing.
I love how the plan is so random. Out of the blues. LOVE IT!
P.S. Dave doesn't know about this. I don't want his brother or his parents or worst HIM, thinks that I go up there for him. That, I am clingy. I wasn't thinking about him at all when I plan this. I dare to post this up is because he never reads my blog. Advantages! Hehe! So please.... Shh....
Friday, January 1, 2010
Here comes 2010...
Grieving is all I could express right now, or maybe for the whole coming month. Although I have never thought of how "the day" would come. It can be illustrate in a blink of an eye or just a moment of rain in the desert.
I am happy for him. Proud of him. But I can't help myself by feeling sad. I know it would make it harder for him to go in peace. I feel terrible too. Deep down, a part in my heart keep telling me to stay strong. It is just a part of all the obstacle that we have to face in the future. Which are yet come.
If irrevocably is a irreversible word literally. I would still use it to describe my feelings towards him, without thinking about the consequences. I have always wished I have better vocabs. There is so many mix emotions in me that I have no words to portray.
Its the 1st day of 2010. I know I should not be posting sad story. Kinda lame right? The way I welcome 2010? Well for me it is a beginning of a horror, sorrow and empty nightmare. So its kind of hard for me to find a reason to celebrate. Sorry guys...
I am happy for him. Proud of him. But I can't help myself by feeling sad. I know it would make it harder for him to go in peace. I feel terrible too. Deep down, a part in my heart keep telling me to stay strong. It is just a part of all the obstacle that we have to face in the future. Which are yet come.
If irrevocably is a irreversible word literally. I would still use it to describe my feelings towards him, without thinking about the consequences. I have always wished I have better vocabs. There is so many mix emotions in me that I have no words to portray.
Its the 1st day of 2010. I know I should not be posting sad story. Kinda lame right? The way I welcome 2010? Well for me it is a beginning of a horror, sorrow and empty nightmare. So its kind of hard for me to find a reason to celebrate. Sorry guys...
Monday, September 7, 2009
I forgot....
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you miss my voice,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you were thinking about me,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just to say hi,
I forgot when was the last time you called me to say good night without me telling you to do so,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you suddenly have a hunch that I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you wanted to,
I forgot when the last time we talked for hours on the phone was,
I forgot when was the last time you stay up just to hear me cry because I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time I had fun with you when we go out,
But…
I remember when the last time I cried alone in my room was,
I remember when the last time I wanted you to called so badly that it hurt so much,
I remember when was the last time I stare at the phone whole day wondering when are you going to call or message me,
I remember when was the last time I wanted us to hang out happily,
I remember when was the last time I called you at night because I was too tired waiting for you to call,
I remember when was the last time I waited hours for you to reply my message,
I remember when was the last time I felt so tired of all these that I wanted to quit,
I look at each day pass wondering where this relationship is heading. Then I realise I am going down the same road as I was last time that leads me here. I don’t want to go back that road. If this continues, I am sorry if I have to go… I just don’t want to be the only person who cares or show that she cares in a relationship. I am so tired to be that person! I know how much it would kill me if I leave you, I can already feel the pain by even thinking about the days without you. But I am sorry I can’t do this either. It is a dead-end either way. I have reached the relationship dead-end lots of times, so this time, I want to go for my own. Even if its hurts more…
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you were thinking about me,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just to say hi,
I forgot when was the last time you called me to say good night without me telling you to do so,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you suddenly have a hunch that I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you wanted to,
I forgot when the last time we talked for hours on the phone was,
I forgot when was the last time you stay up just to hear me cry because I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time I had fun with you when we go out,
But…
I remember when the last time I cried alone in my room was,
I remember when the last time I wanted you to called so badly that it hurt so much,
I remember when was the last time I stare at the phone whole day wondering when are you going to call or message me,
I remember when was the last time I wanted us to hang out happily,
I remember when was the last time I called you at night because I was too tired waiting for you to call,
I remember when was the last time I waited hours for you to reply my message,
I remember when was the last time I felt so tired of all these that I wanted to quit,
I look at each day pass wondering where this relationship is heading. Then I realise I am going down the same road as I was last time that leads me here. I don’t want to go back that road. If this continues, I am sorry if I have to go… I just don’t want to be the only person who cares or show that she cares in a relationship. I am so tired to be that person! I know how much it would kill me if I leave you, I can already feel the pain by even thinking about the days without you. But I am sorry I can’t do this either. It is a dead-end either way. I have reached the relationship dead-end lots of times, so this time, I want to go for my own. Even if its hurts more…
6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am
I will always keep my promise. All the promise I remembered I will keep! I said before that I will
not spoil your fun or interrupt you when you are out with your brother or your friends. I
promised you that before, so I will keep it! But I hate it so much that each time when you go out
with them you neglect me. You said you care about me, I believe you. But your actions doesn’t
seem like you care. You messaged me and ask me why am I so moody, I say I m fine. Then you
tell me that you don’t believe me, I still reply you that I am fine. Then you said I am lying. I said
you are busy, you should go, but you say “NO! I don’t want! I want to message you!”. Then I
said no need. Then you just disappear! You never reply at all. You call that care!
6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am
I can’t sleep. I can’t even stay normal. A part of me wants to yell at you in a message! Another
part of me say no, because I promised you and I have to keep it. Another part of me is going
crazy inside! I know if I don’t tell you how I feel now, I will never fall asleep. There is a problem,
if I do take up the courage to call or message you. I have no idea what to say. What to tell you?
Why do I feel this way? Why am I crying? I don’t know. But I just want to tell you! I am going
mad! I can’t do this any more!
not spoil your fun or interrupt you when you are out with your brother or your friends. I
promised you that before, so I will keep it! But I hate it so much that each time when you go out
with them you neglect me. You said you care about me, I believe you. But your actions doesn’t
seem like you care. You messaged me and ask me why am I so moody, I say I m fine. Then you
tell me that you don’t believe me, I still reply you that I am fine. Then you said I am lying. I said
you are busy, you should go, but you say “NO! I don’t want! I want to message you!”. Then I
said no need. Then you just disappear! You never reply at all. You call that care!
6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am
I can’t sleep. I can’t even stay normal. A part of me wants to yell at you in a message! Another
part of me say no, because I promised you and I have to keep it. Another part of me is going
crazy inside! I know if I don’t tell you how I feel now, I will never fall asleep. There is a problem,
if I do take up the courage to call or message you. I have no idea what to say. What to tell you?
Why do I feel this way? Why am I crying? I don’t know. But I just want to tell you! I am going
mad! I can’t do this any more!
Thursday, September 3, 2009
Past...
I always say that i am not ashamed about my past, not exactly proud of it either. I just think that my past is like my back bone. It shaped me! It made me who i am today, and i am very happy about it.
Unfortunately, my past is not as normal as every else's ones. It is not normal mistakes like what others have gone through. Those mistake i have made is now hurting the people i love. The people i care about. People that i want to protect with all my heart. I can't change the past. I can't turn back time. I feel helpless again because i can't find a way to ease their pain. I hope my love to them would be like morphine that could at least lessen their pain.
Unfortunately, my past is not as normal as every else's ones. It is not normal mistakes like what others have gone through. Those mistake i have made is now hurting the people i love. The people i care about. People that i want to protect with all my heart. I can't change the past. I can't turn back time. I feel helpless again because i can't find a way to ease their pain. I hope my love to them would be like morphine that could at least lessen their pain.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
So sick and tired!
Everyone, a promise is a promise! Try your very best to keep it! Don't tell me shit like, a promise is meant to be broken! If its meant to be broken, then why made it in the first place.
If you care about someone, you would go through length to find out about her. Even when she doesn't answer your call or reply your messages. You would go Facebook to check on her status, you would go her blog to find out about her life. And not just complain about the fact the she leaves you! FUCK YOU! Suck it up would you! Stop saying you know nothing, when people is practically showing you everything you need to know! Just admit the fact that you are just so FUCKING LAZY to go and find out!
If you care about someone, you would go through length to find out about her. Even when she doesn't answer your call or reply your messages. You would go Facebook to check on her status, you would go her blog to find out about her life. And not just complain about the fact the she leaves you! FUCK YOU! Suck it up would you! Stop saying you know nothing, when people is practically showing you everything you need to know! Just admit the fact that you are just so FUCKING LAZY to go and find out!
Monday, August 17, 2009
My kind of boy
Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends here in Blogspot to answer this. Then see what happens.
If you a guy- post this as my kind of girl..
If your a girl- post it as my kind of boy..
1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
Erm... no. We can work on that later. Just don't too awful...
2. Smart?
Not too smart. I hate those people! Their speak as if they know it ALL!
3. Preferred age?
Maybe a year or 2 older or same age. I have never been with anyone older or younger. What is wrong with me????!!!
4. Preferred height?
Taller but not too talk. Just right, so when we kiss, it won't be awkward or hard.
5. How about sense of humor?
I am currently having a crazy-hyperventilating boyfriend! What do you think??!!
6. How about piercings?
Kinda turn off. Especially those dangling ones. So CC!
7. Accepts you for who you are?
Is this even a right question to ask??? Of course if i have some bad habits, i would really want him to make sure i change.
8. Pink hair?
HAHA! I have a feeling Dave will do this if i do it first! But NO!
9. Mushy or no?
I used to say no, but i found out that i am pretty mushy myself.
10. Thin or fat?
Err.... muscular??? Not too muscular. I hate HUGE muscles! They look like they are going to explode any second.
11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
I am sorry people... I am not racist. I don't mind having different races friend. I have lots of them. But i still prefer chinese. But not typical chinese!
12. Long hair or short hair?
Just nice!
13. Plastic or metal?
This question is not making any sense!
14. Smells good?
NO BO! I don't mind natural smell. I love..... Dave's natural smell!
15. Smoker?
NO! Eww! But if occasionally during party or occasion outing then its fine.
16. Drinker?
Ok but not drunk. (Dave go hyper, he don't get drunk) (HE IS WEIRD!)
17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Yup yup! But i like bad boy sometimes...
18. Muscular?
As i said, not too much!
19. Plays piano?
Cute! But then he will have long fingers... hmm... guitar will do!
20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
AWESOME!
21. Plays violin?
Hahahahahaha! JOYESH! I don't mind.
22. Sings very good?
Don't have to be. Good enough not to hurt my ears or any else. That is good enough. Is not like i can sing any better.
23. Vain?
Haha! "Am i cute today?" "Is my hair messy?" "OMG! My hair does not go with my style!" I will give him 1 tight slap!
24. With glasses?
Cute!
25. With braces?
I guess we wont be kissing that much till its off.
26. Shy type?
Haha... nice... but not too shy!
27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Half half...
28. Active or passive?
ACTIVE please!
29. Tight or bomb?
I am confuse
30. Singer or dancer?
Singer! Dancer??? Not too good. I will look like a duck when we dance. I don't want to look like a DUCK!
31. Stunner?
Of course!
32. Hiphop?
NO!
33. Earrings?
NO! Kinda turn me off!
34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
Not too much please...
35. Dimples?
Not really my type...
36. Bookworm?
Read with me! But not all the time!
37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
Sometimes... (because i am too lazy to reply if he do it all the time)
38. Playful?
Hmm.... i wonder...
39. Flirt?
With me or others???
40. Poem writer?
NO! Its kinda annoying if he do it all the time!
41. Serious?
Not all the time...
42. Campus crush?
I don't have any... Is high school ok??
43. Painter?
Drawer???
44. Religious?
HELP ME! Not too into it please....!!!!
45. Someone who likes to tease people?
Not all the time... know his limits...
46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Computer games but not geek!
47. Speaks 20 languages?
Maybe 10...
48. Loyal or faithful?
Faithful... It sounds better.... (both have the same meaning!)
49. good kisser
If he is not then we shall work on that!
50. loves children??
Not too overly crazy over them please!
I am too bored... So i did the test the minute i finish reading it in your blog...
*Ming Ann
*Ming Ming
*Angela
*David
*Ivan
*Phoebe
*Michael
*CANON!
If you a guy- post this as my kind of girl..
If your a girl- post it as my kind of boy..
1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
Erm... no. We can work on that later. Just don't too awful...
2. Smart?
Not too smart. I hate those people! Their speak as if they know it ALL!
3. Preferred age?
Maybe a year or 2 older or same age. I have never been with anyone older or younger. What is wrong with me????!!!
4. Preferred height?
Taller but not too talk. Just right, so when we kiss, it won't be awkward or hard.
5. How about sense of humor?
I am currently having a crazy-hyperventilating boyfriend! What do you think??!!
6. How about piercings?
Kinda turn off. Especially those dangling ones. So CC!
7. Accepts you for who you are?
Is this even a right question to ask??? Of course if i have some bad habits, i would really want him to make sure i change.
8. Pink hair?
HAHA! I have a feeling Dave will do this if i do it first! But NO!
9. Mushy or no?
I used to say no, but i found out that i am pretty mushy myself.
10. Thin or fat?
Err.... muscular??? Not too muscular. I hate HUGE muscles! They look like they are going to explode any second.
11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
I am sorry people... I am not racist. I don't mind having different races friend. I have lots of them. But i still prefer chinese. But not typical chinese!
12. Long hair or short hair?
Just nice!
13. Plastic or metal?
This question is not making any sense!
14. Smells good?
NO BO! I don't mind natural smell. I love..... Dave's natural smell!
15. Smoker?
NO! Eww! But if occasionally during party or occasion outing then its fine.
16. Drinker?
Ok but not drunk. (Dave go hyper, he don't get drunk) (HE IS WEIRD!)
17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Yup yup! But i like bad boy sometimes...
18. Muscular?
As i said, not too much!
19. Plays piano?
Cute! But then he will have long fingers... hmm... guitar will do!
20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
AWESOME!
21. Plays violin?
Hahahahahaha! JOYESH! I don't mind.
22. Sings very good?
Don't have to be. Good enough not to hurt my ears or any else. That is good enough. Is not like i can sing any better.
23. Vain?
Haha! "Am i cute today?" "Is my hair messy?" "OMG! My hair does not go with my style!" I will give him 1 tight slap!
24. With glasses?
Cute!
25. With braces?
I guess we wont be kissing that much till its off.
26. Shy type?
Haha... nice... but not too shy!
27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Half half...
28. Active or passive?
ACTIVE please!
29. Tight or bomb?
I am confuse
30. Singer or dancer?
Singer! Dancer??? Not too good. I will look like a duck when we dance. I don't want to look like a DUCK!
31. Stunner?
Of course!
32. Hiphop?
NO!
33. Earrings?
NO! Kinda turn me off!
34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
Not too much please...
35. Dimples?
Not really my type...
36. Bookworm?
Read with me! But not all the time!
37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
Sometimes... (because i am too lazy to reply if he do it all the time)
38. Playful?
Hmm.... i wonder...
39. Flirt?
With me or others???
40. Poem writer?
NO! Its kinda annoying if he do it all the time!
41. Serious?
Not all the time...
42. Campus crush?
I don't have any... Is high school ok??
43. Painter?
Drawer???
44. Religious?
HELP ME! Not too into it please....!!!!
45. Someone who likes to tease people?
Not all the time... know his limits...
46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Computer games but not geek!
47. Speaks 20 languages?
Maybe 10...
48. Loyal or faithful?
Faithful... It sounds better.... (both have the same meaning!)
49. good kisser
If he is not then we shall work on that!
50. loves children??
Not too overly crazy over them please!
I am too bored... So i did the test the minute i finish reading it in your blog...
*Ming Ann
*Ming Ming
*Angela
*David
*Ivan
*Phoebe
*Michael
*CANON!
Friday, July 24, 2009
M3 and my paranoid self....
One of the scariest things i learn in a relationship is JEALOUSY! It ruins everything! It is a feeling that just tend to stuck in your mind. That is not the worst part, it suck out your senses to which make you go all paranoid and crazy... A very horrible and torturing feeling.
That is what i am going through now. I can't help it. It is so hard to restrain myself from feeling jealous. I know i have no rights from what i have done. But that feeling is just there. I don't want to tell him what to do and what not to do. I don't want to control him. I don't want to turn into one of those crazy freaks girlfriend that go all woo-hoo at their boyfriend. That is not me and never will be me!
So can someone or anyone tell me how???!!! How can i stop feeling this way???? Stop being so paranoid, angry and sad...
That is what i am going through now. I can't help it. It is so hard to restrain myself from feeling jealous. I know i have no rights from what i have done. But that feeling is just there. I don't want to tell him what to do and what not to do. I don't want to control him. I don't want to turn into one of those crazy freaks girlfriend that go all woo-hoo at their boyfriend. That is not me and never will be me!
So can someone or anyone tell me how???!!! How can i stop feeling this way???? Stop being so paranoid, angry and sad...
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Make me INVISIBLE!
"I am so tired of being good! It is not me! I do not obey to certain rules! I am going to hell! HAPPY!!!!???? I don't care what you have to say! I don't care if you don't like it! I will be who you want me to be! I will never be the girl you wish your son falls in love with!"
Those are the words that are boiling in me... I want so much to scream it out! But those words are not true. I will still always try my best to impress you, to make you approve of me, to make you like me more... I wish i won't go to hell. I care about your opinion, and i wish one day i would live up to your expectations.
Why am i crying??? Why am i sad??? Why do i wish that i could do it all over again???
Because i am sad. Because i screw up again and again. Because i wish i would have a chance to be a better person.
That will never happen. Each time i break down and cry, i have to take all my strength to wipe off my tears and smile again. I have to tell myself that i have already did my best. I am who i am, and i have no reason to change myself to someone i don't want to be.
But for now, make me invisible... I don't wish the world to see me. I don't wish to see myself. I just want to hide and cry like a little girl....
Those are the words that are boiling in me... I want so much to scream it out! But those words are not true. I will still always try my best to impress you, to make you approve of me, to make you like me more... I wish i won't go to hell. I care about your opinion, and i wish one day i would live up to your expectations.
Why am i crying??? Why am i sad??? Why do i wish that i could do it all over again???
Because i am sad. Because i screw up again and again. Because i wish i would have a chance to be a better person.
That will never happen. Each time i break down and cry, i have to take all my strength to wipe off my tears and smile again. I have to tell myself that i have already did my best. I am who i am, and i have no reason to change myself to someone i don't want to be.
But for now, make me invisible... I don't wish the world to see me. I don't wish to see myself. I just want to hide and cry like a little girl....
To : W.S
If i am wrong about you then i am sorry... But you can't really blame me for what i think about you. It is from what ever you have shown me. If you say i know nothing about the truth, then show me the truth. Show me that you are not that person in that post. Show and prove to me that i am wrong. I don't mind being wrong. I wish i am wrong. You are my friend and also a person that i have like before. What makes you think i want the worse for you??? What makes you think i would want to trash about you for no reason at all??? If you think it is because of my anger to you about what happen last time, then you are wrong. I am not angry. I was sad and hurt, that's all. I have never thought of revenge. Never thought of hurting you back.
P.S. It is not her fault. Please stop blaming her. She did nothing wrong. She might be childish to tell me, but she is just finding a way to release all those pain and sadness. I am the one judging you. I am the one who wrote that post. So please, don't scold or hate her for it. She don't deserve it.
P.S. It is not her fault. Please stop blaming her. She did nothing wrong. She might be childish to tell me, but she is just finding a way to release all those pain and sadness. I am the one judging you. I am the one who wrote that post. So please, don't scold or hate her for it. She don't deserve it.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
To : Phoebe
I don't really know you. I have only met you once. The first and the last time we met, we did not even have time to talk to each other. I must say i am sorry, because i did judge you last time. I am very sorry i did so. But for me now, you and i are just two victims that have just walk out from the dark side of a relationship.
Cry all you want. Curse all you want. Eat all you want. Scream all you want. Be emo all you want. After that, stand up straight and have confident in yourself. Then dare yourself to walk down the love road again... It is not a scary road. Your true love is some where out there, but some times you have to go and find it yourself. What i am trying to say is, let all these be the past, remember them and don't make the same mistakes again... Mag and i trust that you can do it!
Cry all you want. Curse all you want. Eat all you want. Scream all you want. Be emo all you want. After that, stand up straight and have confident in yourself. Then dare yourself to walk down the love road again... It is not a scary road. Your true love is some where out there, but some times you have to go and find it yourself. What i am trying to say is, let all these be the past, remember them and don't make the same mistakes again... Mag and i trust that you can do it!
Monday, May 25, 2009
25 / May / 2009
With everything going on in our relationship... He stills know how to make me smile whole day long.... I have never gotten flowers from anyone on just a normal day. I mean no one will just show up in front of me and say ''Hey, you were really down yesterday so i thought this might cheer you up a little.'' and follow by the flowers in his hands.
He was throwing stones at my window this morning while i am still asleep like a pig. And i thought it was some stupid birds making weird noises again. So i open up the curtains and look out the window. OMG! There he was looking up at me! The first thing that came to my mind was ''is my hair messy????''. Then i ran downstairs to get him. Haha... And there he was standing in front of my door with a smile on his face. (I am still sleepy) Suddenly, he gave those flowers to me. (although i am not much of a flowers fan but i am still a girl, i still like my boyfriend buying me flowers) Those flowers really wake me up! Hehe... Then we just spend almost 5 hours in my room watching Chuck, laughing, cuddling, eating and talking about our problems. Love you lots D3AR! MXX!!!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
I suddenly miss him so much.... So i wrote this.....
''Sometimes the last person on earth you want to be with is the one person you can't live without.'' That sentence is from my favourite movie ''Pride and Prejudice''. 2 years ago i meet this guy... The 1st impression he gave me was CUTE!!!! (what can i think other than that??? I was only 16) I am already jealous the first time i saw him. He was with a friend of mine. Sobz.... Another cute boy gone.... But that time i was too in love with my ex-boyfriend that it doesn't really bother me long. Just a snap and i am back.
Half a year gone pass just like that.... I still remember how i use to yell at my girlfriends asking them to stop bothering me about him. Telling them and i quote '' I will never ever ever in my life be with him.''. Now look where i end up with???? Beside HIM!!!! Funny how all the stupid problem we have work out in the end. I have always hated his blurr-ness.... Wait! I still do sometimes. But i guess those blurr-ness of his has made him unique. And I LOVE HIM!!!!!
P.S Maggie, now you, Amanda and Punitha can rub it in my face....
Even though my love story is not as beautiful and memorable to everyone like ''Pride and Prejudice'' but i do have a love story of my own. No matter how imperfect it is, it is still mine. One and only. And i love it!
Half a year gone pass just like that.... I still remember how i use to yell at my girlfriends asking them to stop bothering me about him. Telling them and i quote '' I will never ever ever in my life be with him.''. Now look where i end up with???? Beside HIM!!!! Funny how all the stupid problem we have work out in the end. I have always hated his blurr-ness.... Wait! I still do sometimes. But i guess those blurr-ness of his has made him unique. And I LOVE HIM!!!!!
P.S Maggie, now you, Amanda and Punitha can rub it in my face....
Even though my love story is not as beautiful and memorable to everyone like ''Pride and Prejudice'' but i do have a love story of my own. No matter how imperfect it is, it is still mine. One and only. And i love it!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Fate and Destiny
Do you believe in fate??? Do you believe in destiny??? I heard that a friend of my best friend's best friend ask her this question and her answer is that she don't believes it. She believes that our lives is not sculpture from the day we were born. Our lives is made entirely from our own choices and the way we walk life. She disagree strongly about this matter.
Me??? Half i guess. Is true that fate and destiny exist. Because sometimes we really don't have a choice of who we meet and which family we will be in... There might be a lot of things that are form by the choices that we made. But some how, some part of our lives is already been sculpture from the day we were born. In my opinion, i think what we are fated made us stronger. Because we can't change what we have been fated to have or be with. So we learn how to embrace it and live with it. Things that we are fated to live with might be really suck-ish. I mean who doesn't want to have a prefect live. Living your dream. Being able to do what you want. Having the power to create your own destiny. But some part of our lives, we just can't.
To all the people and friends out there that are embracing their own fate and destiny. And go through it no matter how many flaws there is. You all are the best! You all suck -up all the problems you have and still living a happy life no matter how horrid your life can be. You should be proud of yourself. And i personally thinks you all are an inspiration to all human being that are still trying to find the light in their life. CHEERS TO ALL OF YOU!
Me??? Half i guess. Is true that fate and destiny exist. Because sometimes we really don't have a choice of who we meet and which family we will be in... There might be a lot of things that are form by the choices that we made. But some how, some part of our lives is already been sculpture from the day we were born. In my opinion, i think what we are fated made us stronger. Because we can't change what we have been fated to have or be with. So we learn how to embrace it and live with it. Things that we are fated to live with might be really suck-ish. I mean who doesn't want to have a prefect live. Living your dream. Being able to do what you want. Having the power to create your own destiny. But some part of our lives, we just can't.
To all the people and friends out there that are embracing their own fate and destiny. And go through it no matter how many flaws there is. You all are the best! You all suck -up all the problems you have and still living a happy life no matter how horrid your life can be. You should be proud of yourself. And i personally thinks you all are an inspiration to all human being that are still trying to find the light in their life. CHEERS TO ALL OF YOU!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
I doubt myself....
He doubt me... I understand that. I doubt myself too. But i don't want to be doubt. Somehow i guess that won't happen. I would be doubt by him or others... Because of what i have done in my pass.... I don't know how to face him now. I am not answering his calls. I miss him very much. But i don't wanna talk to him. I miss his voice and hugs terribly but i don't wanna see him. There is a part in me that is so dominant of wanting to make him not doubt me anymore.... I want to prove to him. I am not to be doubt anymore. I don't want to see him. I want him to see me. To see what i am doing. To see what i am now, what i am going to be.... I don't want him to doubt me......
Sunday, March 29, 2009
As promise and more....
This is the result after.... Ok ok....it might not be the same day. But at least u can see him "bald".
This is before we went in the salon.....
As promise pictures taken from A'Famosa.... Sorry it took so long..... Very lazy lately....
And some are just random..... Showing people how "bald" is David now.....
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