Choices...

I should have known that the day i ask you to make that decision that this day would come. I am losing you. Actually to be specific, i am losing myself. I have choices to make now. But i am so scared that i will lose you.

1) I can walk away from all these and just continue to be who i am all this time. Dont care about anything or anyone and just be as selfish as i have always been. But i cant live with that. The pain and guilt is killing me.

2) I can leave and make it a clean break. Go on with my life with a brand new way. I dont know i can do it or not - and i bet it would be a long dark road ahead of me. A road that i have to walk myself and i am sure i would have a very hard time getting use to it. But if i leave i would hurt someone i love. Someone i care about very very much. Someone that i would willingly die for. Someone that have already taken away a part of me. At the same time i cant be so selfish to hurt someone innocent.

3) I can screw everything and everyone and take what i want. Dont care about what others think and just follow what my heart tells me now. But i cant let myself do that either. It would hurt lots of people and i cant be a stupid teenage girl anymore. I have to grow up and think before i do anything.

Human can be so vulnerable sometimes. We are so easy to get influence by something or someone. But whatever that influence is we are always the one that make the choices. Which makes no difference anyhow. I have a choice to make now. And it will change my life in some way. It just the matter of time when the changes will happen.....