A simple Birthday wish...

I wished her Happy Birthday... I don't expect anything in return. I just think i should... I mean, it is her birthday... I hope she or other people won't try to twist my words again... Please give it a break...

I forgot....

I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you miss my voice,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you were thinking about me,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just to say hi,
I forgot when was the last time you called me to say good night without me telling you to do so,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you suddenly have a hunch that I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you wanted to,
I forgot when the last time we talked for hours on the phone was,
I forgot when was the last time you stay up just to hear me cry because I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time I had fun with you when we go out,

But…

I remember when the last time I cried alone in my room was,
I remember when the last time I wanted you to called so badly that it hurt so much,
I remember when was the last time I stare at the phone whole day wondering when are you going to call or message me,
I remember when was the last time I wanted us to hang out happily,
I remember when was the last time I called you at night because I was too tired waiting for you to call,
I remember when was the last time I waited hours for you to reply my message,
I remember when was the last time I felt so tired of all these that I wanted to quit,


I look at each day pass wondering where this relationship is heading. Then I realise I am going down the same road as I was last time that leads me here. I don’t want to go back that road. If this continues, I am sorry if I have to go… I just don’t want to be the only person who cares or show that she cares in a relationship. I am so tired to be that person! I know how much it would kill me if I leave you, I can already feel the pain by even thinking about the days without you. But I am sorry I can’t do this either. It is a dead-end either way. I have reached the relationship dead-end lots of times, so this time, I want to go for my own. Even if its hurts more…

6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am

I will always keep my promise. All the promise I remembered I will keep! I said before that I will
not spoil your fun or interrupt you when you are out with your brother or your friends. I
promised you that before, so I will keep it! But I hate it so much that each time when you go out
with them you neglect me. You said you care about me, I believe you. But your actions doesn’t
seem like you care. You messaged me and ask me why am I so moody, I say I m fine. Then you
tell me that you don’t believe me, I still reply you that I am fine. Then you said I am lying. I said
you are busy, you should go, but you say “NO! I don’t want! I want to message you!”. Then I
said no need. Then you just disappear! You never reply at all. You call that care!

6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am

I can’t sleep. I can’t even stay normal. A part of me wants to yell at you in a message! Another
part of me say no, because I promised you and I have to keep it. Another part of me is going
crazy inside! I know if I don’t tell you how I feel now, I will never fall asleep. There is a problem,
if I do take up the courage to call or message you. I have no idea what to say. What to tell you?
Why do I feel this way? Why am I crying? I don’t know. But I just want to tell you! I am going
mad! I can’t do this any more!

Past...

I always say that i am not ashamed about my past, not exactly proud of it either. I just think that my past is like my back bone. It shaped me! It made me who i am today, and i am very happy about it.

Unfortunately, my past is not as normal as every else's ones. It is not normal mistakes like what others have gone through. Those mistake i have made is now hurting the people i love. The people i care about. People that i want to protect with all my heart. I can't change the past. I can't turn back time. I feel helpless again because i can't find a way to ease their pain. I hope my love to them would be like morphine that could at least lessen their pain.

Mistakes = Life lesson...

This post is basically inspired by a friend of mine (Michael Niemeyer) and a famous saying :~

Oscar Wilde: "Very few people realize until it is too late that their mistakes are the only things they don't regret"

I can't agree enough about the meaning and how true this passage is. We made mistakes a long our life. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it bring us trouble, but mistakes that we do are the lesson that teaches us how to be a more better person. We always tend to think that mistakes are bad... But if you don't go through all those mistakes, would you know what is the right thing to do? Well, non of you need me to tell you all these. You guys might even know it better than me. So stand up tall the next time people laugh at you when you did something wrong. Because deep down you know that you have learn a great lesson today and you would know how to do better next time!