Triumph That Hurts!

Triumph is usually something happy to celebrate about... But what if the triumph that you get is by cheating and lying your way through everything to get it... Does it have meaning anymore if thinking it back??? Should the winner be smiling or sobbing??? Should he/she be proud or ashamed of their winning??? Come to think of it... Is winning that important??? If by being a winner hurts the people you love and most importantly people that love you, izzit still worth it??? How can a person define triumph in a way that no one would get hurt??? In a war, either one of the opponent wins there will always still be blood pouring. In a relationship, if you finally get to be with the person you love, there will still always be someone else that love that person crying off the pain of losing.... In examination, being the 1st in class is a winning that everyone dream for... but there again will always be someone crying for their lost.

I have been a very selfish and manipulative person... Wait! I still am. I have always lie and cheat my way to getting what i want... It sometimes matter to me how others feel but usually i am just so blinded by all the things that i would get that i forget how it would hurts anymore. The most ashamed action that i have ever made in my life is not lying to the people i love. Its lying to the people that loves me... Because i dont deserve any of their loves... With all the things i have done, i should be left alone all by myself to suffer for my actions. My addictions to winning is so strong that now when i sit down and think about it... It does not even make any sense to me anymore.... Cuz the funny thing is, are those even winnings???? If those are, then where is all the medals and trophys??? I dont see any... I dont think i even have any. If i do i should throw and burn all of it. Cuz there is nothing proud to be showing them off.

The truth is i have always been the loser... I have lost the trust of many people and friends... I have lost so many things just to get one... So i am the loser... A blind loser.... An addict...