Ann Ann! Jia Ming!

Haven't been updating my blog for quite sometime. I wasn't that busy, just have nothing to update. I know, how can i have nothing to tell?! I have actually, is just that thing i can tell doesn't seem relevant to anyone. Things i can't tell, well i just can't tell.

Anyway, I do have a couple things to a few friends...
1) Ming Ann ~ Sorry for the on-off messages-chatting-existing thing. I hate my style but i am like that. Don't know how to be different. Always remember i will always miss you!!!!!

2) Jia Ming ~ I don't know you will read this or not. But i think i will make sure you will read this. Hehe! Sorry too! I have been really cold to you lately. Its just my stupid attitude problem. Hope you are not angry at me.

Rude People!!!!ERRRRR!!!!!

I have never meet such RUDE PEOPLE in my life! I don't hate him. In the opposite, i was trying to make him like me. How stupid am i??? Well i am not any more. He just have to suck it up and accept the fact that i am in his life! (HAHA! IN YOUR FACE!)

Well, what i actually want to say in this post is about those rude people. It can be anyone. Someone you know, someone you just meet or even your partner. Most of the people around us just tend to give way to them. Wait! Don't get me wrong, giving in to them occasionally is fine. I mean who wants trouble all the time. BUT come on, giving in to them ALL THE TIME also does not make sense! So what if they are older??? I know we are suppose to respect the elderly. But hey, there is something call mutual respect! They are not king of the world! You are not their slave! They need to taste the bitterness of their own doings! They can't just boss people around JUST BECAUSE THEY ARE OLDER! PLEASE people, stand up to them! Stand up for yourself!

P.S. Anyone who misunderstand is them, i am talking about, i am sorry. It is not you. Anyone who got offended, i am sorry. Its just my opinion. (i realise that i have to write this sentence all the time because there will be somehow, somewhere, someone, who will be offended.)

Blogging and Facebook status! @_@

The recent "Miley leaving Twitter by rapping goodbye!" is another example for my boyfriend to dis me about my blogging and status update in Facebook. Well he haven't dis me yet, because i haven't told him the whole story about Miley. Ok ok, i should stop talking about my boyfriend and how he would nag me about this.

My real reason of writing this post is to let people know that, if anyone saw any post in my blog or status update in my Facebook account, please DO NOT GO ask David about it. It is ok with me, but he HATES IT! Blog i think is still fine. But come on! Facebook status???

P.S It is true if you guys say that "She is the one posting things, we are just giving comments. We did not do anything wrong.". THAT IS VERY TRUE! BUT give the comment to me! Not other people! Is MY post/status, so is MY comments...

P.S.S I am not posting this to scold anyone or against anyone. I am just expressing my thought. Sorry if i have offended anyone. I don't mean to.

A simple Birthday wish...

I wished her Happy Birthday... I don't expect anything in return. I just think i should... I mean, it is her birthday... I hope she or other people won't try to twist my words again... Please give it a break...

I forgot....

I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you miss my voice,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you were thinking about me,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just to say hi,
I forgot when was the last time you called me to say good night without me telling you to do so,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you suddenly have a hunch that I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time you called me just because you wanted to,
I forgot when the last time we talked for hours on the phone was,
I forgot when was the last time you stay up just to hear me cry because I am sad,
I forgot when was the last time I had fun with you when we go out,

But…

I remember when the last time I cried alone in my room was,
I remember when the last time I wanted you to called so badly that it hurt so much,
I remember when was the last time I stare at the phone whole day wondering when are you going to call or message me,
I remember when was the last time I wanted us to hang out happily,
I remember when was the last time I called you at night because I was too tired waiting for you to call,
I remember when was the last time I waited hours for you to reply my message,
I remember when was the last time I felt so tired of all these that I wanted to quit,


I look at each day pass wondering where this relationship is heading. Then I realise I am going down the same road as I was last time that leads me here. I don’t want to go back that road. If this continues, I am sorry if I have to go… I just don’t want to be the only person who cares or show that she cares in a relationship. I am so tired to be that person! I know how much it would kill me if I leave you, I can already feel the pain by even thinking about the days without you. But I am sorry I can’t do this either. It is a dead-end either way. I have reached the relationship dead-end lots of times, so this time, I want to go for my own. Even if its hurts more…

6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am

I will always keep my promise. All the promise I remembered I will keep! I said before that I will
not spoil your fun or interrupt you when you are out with your brother or your friends. I
promised you that before, so I will keep it! But I hate it so much that each time when you go out
with them you neglect me. You said you care about me, I believe you. But your actions doesn’t
seem like you care. You messaged me and ask me why am I so moody, I say I m fine. Then you
tell me that you don’t believe me, I still reply you that I am fine. Then you said I am lying. I said
you are busy, you should go, but you say “NO! I don’t want! I want to message you!”. Then I
said no need. Then you just disappear! You never reply at all. You call that care!

6 – September – 2009 ~ Sunday 12.08 am

I can’t sleep. I can’t even stay normal. A part of me wants to yell at you in a message! Another
part of me say no, because I promised you and I have to keep it. Another part of me is going
crazy inside! I know if I don’t tell you how I feel now, I will never fall asleep. There is a problem,
if I do take up the courage to call or message you. I have no idea what to say. What to tell you?
Why do I feel this way? Why am I crying? I don’t know. But I just want to tell you! I am going
mad! I can’t do this any more!

Past...

I always say that i am not ashamed about my past, not exactly proud of it either. I just think that my past is like my back bone. It shaped me! It made me who i am today, and i am very happy about it.

Unfortunately, my past is not as normal as every else's ones. It is not normal mistakes like what others have gone through. Those mistake i have made is now hurting the people i love. The people i care about. People that i want to protect with all my heart. I can't change the past. I can't turn back time. I feel helpless again because i can't find a way to ease their pain. I hope my love to them would be like morphine that could at least lessen their pain.

Mistakes = Life lesson...

This post is basically inspired by a friend of mine (Michael Niemeyer) and a famous saying :~

Oscar Wilde: "Very few people realize until it is too late that their mistakes are the only things they don't regret"

I can't agree enough about the meaning and how true this passage is. We made mistakes a long our life. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it bring us trouble, but mistakes that we do are the lesson that teaches us how to be a more better person. We always tend to think that mistakes are bad... But if you don't go through all those mistakes, would you know what is the right thing to do? Well, non of you need me to tell you all these. You guys might even know it better than me. So stand up tall the next time people laugh at you when you did something wrong. Because deep down you know that you have learn a great lesson today and you would know how to do better next time!

"Hungover"

I fought with him last night, or should i say 4 in the morning. I am so worried about him. I keep wondering what is he thinking, what is he doing, is he sad, is he angry, is he suffering, is he feeling sick, is he... is he... is he...! So many questions running through my brain like a waterfall flowing down non stop. I wish he would tell me the truth about his feelings. I wish that last night didn't happened. I couldn't say who's fault was it, because both of us is kinda in the wrong. And the situation he is in just makes it worst. Whats more hurtful, is that now his brother and friends thinks i am bothering him all the time. Which i don't!

Waking up, knowing there is people thinking bad about you and your parents just start going crazy on you when you see them in the morning, is like waking up from a hungover. I am just so lifeless... Walking around without directions. My brain is about to explode due to millions of questions stuck in it. I am having a kind of feeling that i have no idea how to describe. Is like there is something draining out my soul from my body but i can't figure it out, what is it that is doing it! That feeling is so helpless. I know something is not right with me but i can't do anything to make it better....

So sick and tired!

Everyone, a promise is a promise! Try your very best to keep it! Don't tell me shit like, a promise is meant to be broken! If its meant to be broken, then why made it in the first place.

If you care about someone, you would go through length to find out about her. Even when she doesn't answer your call or reply your messages. You would go Facebook to check on her status, you would go her blog to find out about her life. And not just complain about the fact the she leaves you! FUCK YOU! Suck it up would you! Stop saying you know nothing, when people is practically showing you everything you need to know! Just admit the fact that you are just so FUCKING LAZY to go and find out!

M3 and my pathetic friendless life...

Every where i turn in my class, i see groups of people. There is Chinese group, Malay group, Indian group, emo group, smart group and etc... Then i realise something, i am sitting in the middle of all the groups. ALONE! All by myself. I have known that this would happen the moment i stepped into my class 2 months ago. I guess i have been denying it all this time. But now i realise i would never fit in to any of those groups. Not that i am picky. Is just that i am so crazy-weirdly-different from all of them. The way i see things, the way i speak, the way i through life, the things i do, the right and wrong i think, is just so different from all of them.

Its sad, you know... How i go to class alone, go back alone, at home alone again, go out only with my boyfriend. Is like i don't have a life at all. Even married woman don't do that! I have no friends to go shopping with, hang out, talk about silly stuff, sleepover and etc. All i do whole day at home is either sleep or online. I sound so BLOODY BORING!

My kind of boy

Now, here's what you're supposed to do, and please do not spoil the fun. Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag 20 of your friends here in Blogspot to answer this. Then see what happens.

If you a guy- post this as my kind of girl..
If your a girl- post it as my kind of boy..


1. Do you need him/her to be good looking?
Erm... no. We can work on that later. Just don't too awful...

2. Smart?
Not too smart. I hate those people! Their speak as if they know it ALL!

3. Preferred age?
Maybe a year or 2 older or same age. I have never been with anyone older or younger. What is wrong with me????!!!

4. Preferred height?
Taller but not too talk. Just right, so when we kiss, it won't be awkward or hard.

5. How about sense of humor?
I am currently having a crazy-hyperventilating boyfriend! What do you think??!!

6. How about piercings?
Kinda turn off. Especially those dangling ones. So CC!

7. Accepts you for who you are?
Is this even a right question to ask??? Of course if i have some bad habits, i would really want him to make sure i change.


8. Pink hair?
HAHA! I have a feeling Dave will do this if i do it first! But NO!

9. Mushy or no?
I used to say no, but i found out that i am pretty mushy myself.

10. Thin or fat?
Err.... muscular??? Not too muscular. I hate HUGE muscles! They look like they are going to explode any second.


11. Black, Brown or White (skin color)?
I am sorry people... I am not racist. I don't mind having different races friend. I have lots of them. But i still prefer chinese. But not typical chinese!


12. Long hair or short hair?
Just nice!


13. Plastic or metal?
This question is not making any sense!

14. Smells good?
NO BO! I don't mind natural smell. I love..... Dave's natural smell!

15. Smoker?
NO! Eww! But if occasionally during party or occasion outing then its fine.


16. Drinker?
Ok but not drunk. (Dave go hyper, he don't get drunk) (HE IS WEIRD!)

17. Girl/Boy-next-door type?
Yup yup! But i like bad boy sometimes...


18. Muscular?
As i said, not too much!

19. Plays piano?
Cute! But then he will have long fingers... hmm... guitar will do!

20. Plays bass and/or acoustic guitar?
AWESOME!


21. Plays violin?
Hahahahahaha! JOYESH! I don't mind.

22. Sings very good?
Don't have to be. Good enough not to hurt my ears or any else. That is good enough. Is not like i can sing any better.

23. Vain?
Haha! "Am i cute today?" "Is my hair messy?" "OMG! My hair does not go with my style!" I will give him 1 tight slap!


24. With glasses?
Cute!


25. With braces?
I guess we wont be kissing that much till its off.

26. Shy type?
Haha... nice... but not too shy!

27. Rebel or good boy/girl?
Half half...

28. Active or passive?
ACTIVE please!

29. Tight or bomb?
I am confuse

30. Singer or dancer?
Singer! Dancer??? Not too good. I will look like a duck when we dance. I don't want to look like a DUCK!

31. Stunner?
Of course!


32. Hiphop?
NO!


33. Earrings?
NO! Kinda turn me off!

34. Mr/Ms. count-my-ex-girlfriends-until-you-drop?
Not too much please...


35. Dimples?
Not really my type...

36. Bookworm?
Read with me! But not all the time!


37. Mr/Ms. love letter?
Sometimes... (because i am too lazy to reply if he do it all the time)

38. Playful?
Hmm.... i wonder...

39. Flirt?
With me or others???

40. Poem writer?
NO! Its kinda annoying if he do it all the time!


41. Serious?
Not all the time...

42. Campus crush?
I don't have any... Is high school ok??

43. Painter?
Drawer???

44. Religious?
HELP ME! Not too into it please....!!!!


45. Someone who likes to tease people?
Not all the time... know his limits...

46. Computer games geek? Or internet freak?
Computer games but not geek!


47. Speaks 20 languages?
Maybe 10...


48. Loyal or faithful?
Faithful... It sounds better.... (both have the same meaning!)

49. good kisser
If he is not then we shall work on that!


50. loves children??
Not too overly crazy over them please!

I am too bored... So i did the test the minute i finish reading it in your blog...
*Ming Ann
*Ming Ming
*Angela
*David
*Ivan
*Phoebe
*Michael
*CANON!

....!!!!....!!!!

Ever feel like the you are on top of the world at 1 second... Then the next, your mum just have to ruin it by yelling at you after your friends of boyfriend walk out the door???

I can't find 1 day in my life that i could happily go out the whole day and enjoy, when i am home, my mum would just be normal and treat me good. She some how have to go crazy about something. Sometimes, the things she got mad about makes no sense at all!

ARrrrRRRggggGGGGG!!!!!!! Ok ok... i should stop trashing and complaining about my mum. Please proceed to the next post...

Microeconomics assignment.....

The article shows the action of homeowners might take if the interest rate is being cut. Which can be relate to the, Law Of Demand; other things remaining the same, the higher the price of a good, the smaller is the quantity demanded; the lower the price of a good, the larger is the quantity demanded. Another law that can be include is the, Law Of Supply, states that; other things remaining the same, the higher the price of a good, the greater is the quantity supplied; and the lower the price of a good, the smaller is the quantity supplied. The reason why it can be related to these two laws is because the homeowners or customer acts as a demand and the bankers’ acts as a supplier.

As stated in the article, the property prices have dropped by between 10% and 15% since late last year. This event has made a drastic change in the equilibrium state. When equilibrium price decreases, the quantity/supply would increase but the changes in the price and quantity/supply does not affect the equilibrium status. Therefore, it still remains in the equilibrium state, only with a lower equilibrium price and higher quantity/supply.

Subsequent effects of the events are all possible changes in demand and supply. A change demand or supply on both demand and supply changes the equilibrium price and the equilibrium quantity. According to the article, “When the price fetched as high as it did last year, prices of oil and raw materials were escalating; but as land area in KLCC is scarce, its property prices won’t go down as much”. This passage clearly shows the substitute good for demand. As for the complement good, it is stated in the article that, “In some ways, the decline in the property market helps to stabilise rental rates for some developments, such as the luxury condominium units located in the Kuala Lumpur City Centre (KLCC) vicinity.” The decline of property market has acts as a complement to help stabilise the rental rates that used to be high.

The strategies adopted by companies and government to mitigate the effects on demand or supply can be seen when the prices of oil and raw materials rises. It a technique used by the companies and government to make sure there won’t be any big changes in the overall economy. So that the property prices won’t go down too much.

By adjusting the price and quantity/supply, it would have given the graph a whole new equilibrium point. This would adjust the price mechanism. This is due to the dropped of the property prices late last year by 10% to 15%.

P.S. Does anyone understand the whole essay???? Because i don't get a SINGLE THING! And i am the one that writes it!

2nd NeXus assingment!

Joanne let me choose.... She ask me to write whatever i feel like writing. This is awesome! I have been waiting for her to say that for a very long time. Because i am freaking out, wondering is she going to give me another article to about reporting. Me... Personally, i am more of an editorial and feature person. Maybe because i am so used to writing blog posts that i am used to putting my own opinion in my piece.

Anyway, i thought of writing about Feliz... My actual SPM essay. "How i lost my sister to my boyfriend...". But i guess that is not really practical. So i told Joanne, i am going to write an article about "Everyone is a hypocrite!". That was my idea. Yet, i am freaking out now. How if i did not do well??? How if i produce a shitty article??? Oh God! Have to start acting professional now! Fuh......

Saving money, ANYONE???

What is the hardest things for you to commit to???
- Not shopping?
- Not lying?
- Not cheating?
- Not eating that much?
- Saving money?
- Keep your hands away from the computer for a day?
- Or just plain old school, cant keep yourself away from the television?

Haha! Me? It probably would be not cheating for last time. But now it is definitely saving money. I can't go on 1 week without having to spend almost RM 100. I am thinking of ways to earn money. As usual, brain jam! I am not that type of person who can come up with smart ideas to do something. This make me feel so dumb! That is why i need your help (my blog readers)! More brains is better than 1! So i am asking everyone of you to do me a favour. Please help me think of any ideas at all to help save or earn money in a fast way or moderate speed will do. As long as it does not take years to do it. (I doubt i can do it even i have years time)

M3 and my paranoid self....

One of the scariest things i learn in a relationship is JEALOUSY! It ruins everything! It is a feeling that just tend to stuck in your mind. That is not the worst part, it suck out your senses to which make you go all paranoid and crazy... A very horrible and torturing feeling.

That is what i am going through now. I can't help it. It is so hard to restrain myself from feeling jealous. I know i have no rights from what i have done. But that feeling is just there. I don't want to tell him what to do and what not to do. I don't want to control him. I don't want to turn into one of those crazy freaks girlfriend that go all woo-hoo at their boyfriend. That is not me and never will be me!

So can someone or anyone tell me how???!!! How can i stop feeling this way???? Stop being so paranoid, angry and sad...

Awesome BlogShop EVERYONE!!!

Check out this blogshop everyone!(http://insideoutgrace.blogspot.com/) Especially girls! Guys is welcome too... A friend of mine runs it with a bunch of her friends... haha... Things in there are really nice and affordable...

P.S. Don't worry about the danger... They are a bunch of college students running a business... You have my words! ^_^

Your opinion???

A guy name J. A girl name M.

J : (Looking down at his cell phone as he was buying lunch)
M : (In biology class in campus)
J : (Smile and start typing a text)
M : (Startle by her cell phone's vibrations)

The conversation goes like this....

J : I love you...
M : Lol... why do you suddenly send me that?
J : I don't know... i just feel like it...
M : Well... that is very sweet!

An hour later...

J : I miss you...
M : What's wrong with you 2day?
J : Why? What's wrong?
M : You told me you love me an hour ago n now you say you miss me...
J : That's because i love you n i miss you...
M : Hehe... same 2 you...

Two hours later...

J : Every time i see your picture, you make me feel so happy and love and i feel safe... I miss your hugs... Miss seeing you sleep... Miss holding your hands... Miss talking to you till the wee hours... I love you, honey!
M : (Smile when she receive the message) (She reply....)

What would she reply??? What would you reply???

1st Nexus article....

MMU Melaka, 10th July 2009 - Once again, the Robotic Challenge Week has been held on Friday and through out the whole weekend in the Main Hall. This year’s main sponsor for this event is non other than the Cytron Technologies, which has support this event since last year. The theme for this 4th yearly event is Robotic World, Our World.
The event was officiated by Vice President of Multimedia University (academic), Assoc. Prof. Dr. Wong Eng Kiong and also Presidents of Robotic Club, Engineering Society, IEM, IET. Followed by President of Jawatankuasa Negeri Pelajaran, Sains & Teknologi dan Sumber Manusia Melaka, Y.B. Datuk Hj Yaakub bin Md Amin.
There were varieties of games, such as Mini Competitions, SuGo and Sumo Robot Competitions, Line Following Robot Competition and etc. Quoted by the winner of SuGo Robot Competition, Chio WenChong, “Though the food and drinks weren’t provided but overall the committee members are kind and friendly.” The main supporting event for this year was the Combat Robot Competition. It was divided into two categories, open and close categories. According to some participants, the event had increased their experience in robot building.
Demonstrations from different exhibitors were held throughout the event. One of the main attractions was the “Shopping Maid” demonstration by Cytron Technologies. Many visitors find all the robots very unique in their own way, because of their designs and functions.
The winners for this year’s Combat Robot Competition, open category, were Uni 10 from UNITEN Putrajaya Campus, which walked away with the 1st prize of RM 1200. Whereas the 1st runner-up goes to UMTech from University Malaya, with RM 800. War Saw from Japan-Malaysia Technical Institute that came in as 2nd runner-up, took home RM 400. Lastly, Pensil from MMU came in 4th place.
The vision of the President of Robotics Club for this event was to touch the hearts of all and give awareness to the public.

Make me INVISIBLE!

"I am so tired of being good! It is not me! I do not obey to certain rules! I am going to hell! HAPPY!!!!???? I don't care what you have to say! I don't care if you don't like it! I will be who you want me to be! I will never be the girl you wish your son falls in love with!"

Those are the words that are boiling in me... I want so much to scream it out! But those words are not true. I will still always try my best to impress you, to make you approve of me, to make you like me more... I wish i won't go to hell. I care about your opinion, and i wish one day i would live up to your expectations.

Why am i crying??? Why am i sad??? Why do i wish that i could do it all over again???
Because i am sad. Because i screw up again and again. Because i wish i would have a chance to be a better person.

That will never happen. Each time i break down and cry, i have to take all my strength to wipe off my tears and smile again. I have to tell myself that i have already did my best. I am who i am, and i have no reason to change myself to someone i don't want to be.

But for now, make me invisible... I don't wish the world to see me. I don't wish to see myself. I just want to hide and cry like a little girl....

To : W.S

If i am wrong about you then i am sorry... But you can't really blame me for what i think about you. It is from what ever you have shown me. If you say i know nothing about the truth, then show me the truth. Show me that you are not that person in that post. Show and prove to me that i am wrong. I don't mind being wrong. I wish i am wrong. You are my friend and also a person that i have like before. What makes you think i want the worse for you??? What makes you think i would want to trash about you for no reason at all??? If you think it is because of my anger to you about what happen last time, then you are wrong. I am not angry. I was sad and hurt, that's all. I have never thought of revenge. Never thought of hurting you back.

P.S. It is not her fault. Please stop blaming her. She did nothing wrong. She might be childish to tell me, but she is just finding a way to release all those pain and sadness. I am the one judging you. I am the one who wrote that post. So please, don't scold or hate her for it. She don't deserve it.

Your time will come....

I suddenly have the urge of writing this post after going through her profile... You are SO FAKE! (I don't mean her... it is meant for someone else) How can you do this??? After so many times??? Don't you think you are the childish one??? WAIT! I ask the wrong question. It should be, do you have a heart made of stone??? Do you have any idea how many pain and agony she is going through??? All you think of is yourself. When you are not happy, you just walk away. When you are done playing ''outside'', you come back begging as if you have done nothing wrong.

You made those choices yourself. You choose her over me. You went back to her even after how many flings you have, RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER. You are in university now. Why can't you just settle down with her???

1. If you say she is childish then why go with her at the first place??? Don't start creating excuses that you don't know at the beginning. For God sake! You have been tormenting her feelings since she started form 1! You out of all people should have known better!

2. You told her that all you want to do now is to concentrate on your studies... For me those are all bulls*** talk! What are you doing in a club then???

3. You said what's over is over. Then why do you always come crawling back... S**KER!

4. STOP black mailing her! She is not your puppet! If you are so brave to say everything out, then go ahead! Why are you still hesitating??? Giving her a chance? CRAP! You are just as coward as ever! Deep down, you don't have any guts to do anything!

5. Lastly, you better stop while you can... Everything you do now would destroy you in the future. I have a very good feeling that you are going to suffer way more than what ever me and her have suffered.

P.S. To the ''she'', you have no idea what you are getting yourself into... I wish the best of luck to you...

To : Phoebe

I don't really know you. I have only met you once. The first and the last time we met, we did not even have time to talk to each other. I must say i am sorry, because i did judge you last time. I am very sorry i did so. But for me now, you and i are just two victims that have just walk out from the dark side of a relationship.

Cry all you want. Curse all you want. Eat all you want. Scream all you want. Be emo all you want. After that, stand up straight and have confident in yourself. Then dare yourself to walk down the love road again... It is not a scary road. Your true love is some where out there, but some times you have to go and find it yourself. What i am trying to say is, let all these be the past, remember them and don't make the same mistakes again... Mag and i trust that you can do it!

Robotic FR3@K - OUT

I finally found a blog layout that i like.... Then i added ''ads by google''. It says it let you earn money. Got no idea. But it is worth a try. They never ask for any account number at all. Just my address. So i guess its consider fine. However, it makes my blog look kinda cheap and crappy. sigh*

Anyway, yesterday was the opening ceremony for the Robotic Competition in MMU. I had a blast with Michelle. It is so funny. We are suppose to interview the Dato' but end up, we did not ask a single question. He just keep talking and we keep smiling. That was awkward! Worse! Our editor in chief, Joanne, is on a week-off! I don't know whether she plan this or it was just a coincident. But she won't be back till next week. It is me and Michelle's 1st time doing all this! We got no idea what to ask a guy that just come to do the opening ceremony and after that he don't really have anything to do with the competition! Well at least now we know a bunch of other students in the committee that we can interview on Sunday. I have to admit, the whole competition looks really cool but i don't get or understand a single thing! So sorry! I m just too noob in anything that have to do with electronic stuff.

P.S. TOH MING ANN!!!! Don't u dare call me noob in the comment! I am watching you! 0_0

1st SPB meeting!

It has been soooooooo long since the last time i feel so excited to post something in my blog. My Uni life ROCKS!!!!!!!! It is very hard to believe that i am mixing around making friends. Having good friends. Doing fine in my project and learning new things.

Out off all that, i have made the most crazy decision by joining the SPB! I am in the Student Publication Board but that is not the end. There is a twist... I am in the content section! I am writing for MMU SPB website! (nexus.mmu.edu.my) I am writing my FIRST officially article. At first i thought i made the wrong choice but going to the meeting tonight make realise how much i would be missing if i give up on this. I do not know if i can do a good job in writing for them but i am here to learn. I want to know how to write. Looking at the whole content group makes me feel so intimidated.... They all look so smart and so good in english. Joanne Loke, SPB editor in chief... She have my dream job.... Even without pay, i would love to be at her position.

I have to write an article about the up-coming Robotic Competition next week. My partner is Michelle. Haha i know.. funny but who cares we might just make a great team!

D - Da - DaDa???????

I use to call my ex DaDa... Haha what a weird name but cute! Hehe.... I actually copy from a Singapore drama. I know it is weird and funny. Out of all the names and all the places to get a name. I choose a drama. But DaDa is nice. Meaning of the name : i got no idea.

Now i am trying to find a cute nickname for D! It would be kinda weird to call him D all the time and its not even cute or sweet. I call him bb or b most of the time, but that is so common. Almost every couple is calling their partner that. He call me hon and sweetheart... Its not really that common and its cute. So that's fine. But what else can i call him????

P.S. Don't ask me why am i so free to post this... I am just too free and i am use to writing things down to make me think better....

True Friends????

I went to class this morning and i sat at the fifth row. (if i am not wrong) I was waiting for my friend T and another guy friend. I was waiting for quite sometime and they haven't arrive yet, so i went to the toilet. When i came back, they was sitting in front. But i just ignore it. When the class is over they never even bother to say hi or bye when see me. They just walk pass me. At that point, i just sat there and wonder ''Does everyone in this world dislike me??? What did i do??? Am i unfriendly or rude???''. Questions was pouring like waterfall in my head.

After i sign the attendance list, i walk out knowing that i would be alone after this. Wondering around campus or going library to pretend like i am studying so that i don't look so pathetic. To my surprise, when i push the door, my group members from yesterdays class was there waiting for me! They told me the others have something to do...so they have to leave first. I was shocked! WOW! There is actually someone waiting for me! They even accompany me to make my student ID smart card. Then we when to breakfast together at Plaza Siswa where we meet up with others and walk to class after that.

P.S. I hope this last.... (I sound so PATHETIC) It was like that for the first few days with T but now i just seem to be like a very very common friend where she only come for help....

My first presentation!

THANK YOU guys SO much!!!! I am very sorry i don't know all my group members name. But you guys just made my day! I love my group! I hope i did not offend anyone when i ask you guys to do things just now. Is like i am ordering you guys around. Very very sorry. Overall, we did a GREAT job! My lecturer thinks it is a good idea!

Company name (aka group name) : DR3AM Management

Service that we provide : We are a management company which help corporations, companies and other organization to manage events or sell and promote a product.

Basically, for this project in Fundamental of Business....we create a piggy bank out of rubbish or waste product and we call it a "Moving Home". It is a piggy bank that we bring around to collect money for charity.

P.S. I have never in my life thought that i would be able to do it! To stand in front of 100 students and do a presentation! I was having cold sweat, trembling and FREAKING OUT! But I DID IT! Can anyone of you believe it??? I did it!!! Me... Christine Lee DID IT!!! I still find it unbelievable!

ZOO day trip with JOYESH!

Reach the fun part.... Hehehe... After the registration in the morning i have hour away before i have to be back there again. So, i went to the ZOO with JOYESH! I don't know how that happen and why it happen. We just went there. He is fascinated by the tigers.... Haiz... I should have take those pictures of him. We talk on the way too. I mean we still go crazy at each other but this time its kinda better though. I mean he is sort of, kinda, can can gentlemen... I feel weird saying that. Oh well, there is always a first time. He is a good guy. Send him to church after zoo. I suddenly have the urge to follow him in. I don't know why again. So don't ask. But suddenly i saw that picture in my mind (not really a picture, i have never seen that man before, but still....), it makes me so grumpy. It won't make any difference anyway if i go in. It would just make other people or certain people more angry. So i decided to go home and sleep...

After registration in MMU

Just reach home from MMU. To my surprise, i kinda like the whole thing.... Its fun! Lots of singing and monkey dances but entirely its FUN! When we reach at 3 p.m., we are being divided into different teams with different colours. I got green. Hehe GO GREEN! How awesome is that???!!! Soon Aik is in my group too. G4! There is about 10 groups in each team. (i guess) Then i found out (and i think), we are the only team that is having rehearsal for tomorrow opening ceremony. Speeches is something i am not looking forward to....

2.44 p.m. ~ Reach Joyesh's house. Waited for him in the car for 3 minutes. I got no idea what is taking him so long. We are already gonna be late....

2.51 p.m. ~ Reach MMU. Oooo ''scary''..... I ask Joyesh to take my water for me in his bag. Surprisingly again, he said yes. Then we walk in together to the main hall. Saw Yuvanesh, Sandip (i hope i spell right, if not then i am sorry), Renee, Shereen, Indhu, Shamin and Jace. (hmmm... i wonder where he is....)

3.12 p.m. ~ Move to the field. Being divided according to the sticker on our temporary ID card. Hear boring speeches and seniors trying to make us scream. (weird....) This is also where i receive the HORRID news.... We have to be at the field by 7 a.m. tomorrow. (KILL ME!!!!)

3.50 p.m. ~ Move to the main hall. (only for green team) Practice ''cheering'' and singing for tomorrow.

6.28 p.m. ~ Move out of the hall and towards the field again. This time is for the food! Hahahahahahaha FINALLY!!!!! FOOD!!!! But it sucks so no point...

The whole event was actually quite nice. Except the part where we need to wear formal and stand under the sun at 3 p.m. in the AFTERNOON! Other than that was ok....

Registration morning in MMU

A quick post before i have 2 get ready and go MMU again... Can anyone imagine??? We have to be wearing formal shirt with that hot sunny weather out there... We are all going to melt! Anyway, when to MMU this morning for registration. I woke up early and reach there half and hour before the time stated on the paper... But it turns out i don't have to go SO early because the registration will be going on till 2 p.m. How happy i was there...when i hear that news... Dreaming about how i could get this done as soon as possible and head home to my lovely comfy bed... But NOOOOO!!! We have to be back there at 3 p.m. Under the hot sun. At the field. Oh GOD!

Next, the registration kit i got was a green bag with a shirt (which is not even my size)(i got no idea what is the point when they as me to state down my shirt size when they are not even looking at it), a bottle of water and 2 small booklets which are suppose to help me through the whole orientation (i don't know how). Overall, it was ok... But WAIT till i talk about tomorrow and the rest of the days of orientation... It is SUCK-ISH!!!! Thats it for now....

Nightmares....

Lately, i have been having nightmares about the same person. A person that i can't seem to understand why i feel such hate against.... Maybe it is because i never have a chance to know what actually happen. I have never have nightmares in my life. Because i consider nightmares as dreams that haunt you even after you are awake. Well this dream haunts me. Haunts me hard! I feel so weak. I don't want to feel weak. I don't want to feel that someone could take over me!

This would be the first time i ever so much wanted to curse someone in my blog. I wanted so much to yell out loud ''You brainless BIMBO!'' ''I might deserve the way you treat me, but you definitely do not deserve the way i treat you. The way i try so hard to remain patience with the words you use, the crappy attitude you have against me and the shameless accused you throw towards me.'' I know who i am. I know what i did in my past haunts me. But whatever! They hate me... They despise me.... They can say and do whatever they like... I know what i am doing now and there is nothing wrong about it. You can judge me all you want or you can scold me B**** again in facebook. To me they mean nothing but words that reflect the ones who say it...

P.S. Thanks to u SC i wanna be better... each time i feel so useless and suck-ish, i will think of you... You being better than me makes me wanna strangle myself. The picture of you will never leave my head. It would be a reminder!

Anger that i loathe...

A post before i go to bed... I just could not find a way to understand why am i so angry. The feeling that i had when i saw those pictures was almost unbearable. The anger that gush through me. The sudden raise in my body heat. The sudden urge of wanting to scream out loud. Yet, on the outside, i keep telling myself to just keep it calm. Curse all i want now but let it all go later. Can i do it???? I don't have a good feeling about it though. I will still try. Then another anger start growing in me. Is like i am more angry of myself because i don't know why am i angry. I know i could not turn to anyone to complaint except my best friend/my sister because she would probably be the only one that understand why i feel this way now. Others would just say i am over-reacting. Or maybe i am.....

25 / May / 2009

With everything going on in our relationship... He stills know how to make me smile whole day long.... I have never gotten flowers from anyone on just a normal day. I mean no one will just show up in front of me and say ''Hey, you were really down yesterday so i thought this might cheer you up a little.'' and follow by the flowers in his hands.

He was throwing stones at my window this morning while i am still asleep like a pig. And i thought it was some stupid birds making weird noises again. So i open up the curtains and look out the window. OMG! There he was looking up at me! The first thing that came to my mind was ''is my hair messy????''. Then i ran downstairs to get him. Haha... And there he was standing in front of my door with a smile on his face. (I am still sleepy) Suddenly, he gave those flowers to me. (although i am not much of a flowers fan but i am still a girl, i still like my boyfriend buying me flowers) Those flowers really wake me up! Hehe... Then we just spend almost 5 hours in my room watching Chuck, laughing, cuddling, eating and talking about our problems. Love you lots D3AR! MXX!!!

The TORTURE behind the word APPROVAL

I am not asking much. I just wants approval. But i guess that day won't come. Not now nor in the future. I always wonder why my friends would want to change themselves just for some stupid approval from someone. I still remember when they come and ask me about what to do. I would always tell them to be themselves. Because in the end what you think of yourself is the most important. You might be pretending to be someone better. But you are not happy. So why do it???

I finally gets it. Wanting an approval from someone important is such a torture. Because you will never feel like you are good enough. You want to know badly about what they think about you. But when you found out that it wasn't what you wish it would be. It crushes you into a million pieces. Then you hide your true feelings inside and trying your very best to pick up those pieces again. When you finally got the strength to come out from your shell, it strikes you again.

That is how i feel right now. Never good enough. I am sorry i did not live up to their expectation. But i will not change. I might scold bad words, done wild and wrong things in my past, not those goody goody girls and etc. But that is who i am. I just wish if they would one day accept me. It is for who i am and not who i pretend to be.

This is ''FUN''!

What do you have:

[ ] Step-Father
[ ] Step-Mother
[ ] Step Sister
[ ] Step Brother
[ ] Brother
[ ] Brother In Law
[ ] Sister
[ ] Sister In Law
[ ] Half sister
[ ] Half brother
[ ] Nephew
[x] Niece
[x] Boyfriend/ Girlfriend
[x] Mobile phone
[x] Own bathroom
[x] Own room
[ ] Have/had a swimming pool
[ ] Have/had a hot tub
[x] Guest room
[x] Living Room
[x] Own computer
[ ] Own TV
Total: 8

[x] Full size/Queen bed
[x] More than 8 pairs of shoes
[x] MP3 Player/iPod
[ ] PS1/2/3
[ ] Nintendo DS or PSP
[ ] Gameboy/Advance
[ ] Gamecube
[ ] xbox/ xbox 360
[ ]Wii
[x] Own Laptop
Total so far: 12

[ ] Basketball net/hoop
[ ] Air hockey table
[ ] Pool table
[ ] Ping pong table
[ ] Foosball table
Total so far: 12

[x] night stand
[x] Stereo in bedroom
[ ] DVD player in bedroom/portable
Total so far: 14

[x] Go shopping at least once a week
[ ] Expensive cologne/perfume(birthday's present)
[x] AIM/MSN
[x] camera on phone
Total so far: 17


[x] Go Cart/car/quad
[ ]Guitar/drums/bass guitar
[ ] Piano/Keyboard
[ ] Any other instrument
[ ] Been on a cruise
[x] Traveled out of the country
[ ] Traveled out of the continent
[ ] Had a personal trainer
[x] Expensive jewelry
[ ] Met a Celeb
Total so far: 20

[ ]Straightener/curling iron
[ ]Have been to a batting cage
[x] Have $100 on you right now in cash at your house
[x] Credit card or ATM card or debit card or bank card
[ ] Have a TV in your room
[x] Mirror in your room (a teeny tiny one)
[x] Window in your room
Total so far: 24

[ ] Been to Paris
[ ] Been to Rome
[ ] Been to Hawaii
[ ] Been to Mexico
[ ] Been to Jamaica
Total so far: 24

[x] Parents have a car
[ ] Have owned or own a Jet ski/boat
[x] Had/have Camped
[x] Been to 3+ states
[x] 100+ buddies on facebook/myspace/friendster
Total so far: 28

[x] Home cooked meal almost everyday
[ ] Been in a limo
[ ] Been in a helicopter
[x] Own a camera
[ ] Have been to Disneyland/World more than 2 times
Total: 30

Post as:
1-25 = Humble!
26-40 = Average Teen!
41-50 = Spoiled Teen!
51+ = Upper Class Snob!

I suddenly miss him so much.... So i wrote this.....

''Sometimes the last person on earth you want to be with is the one person you can't live without.'' That sentence is from my favourite movie ''Pride and Prejudice''. 2 years ago i meet this guy... The 1st impression he gave me was CUTE!!!! (what can i think other than that??? I was only 16) I am already jealous the first time i saw him. He was with a friend of mine. Sobz.... Another cute boy gone.... But that time i was too in love with my ex-boyfriend that it doesn't really bother me long. Just a snap and i am back.

Half a year gone pass just like that.... I still remember how i use to yell at my girlfriends asking them to stop bothering me about him. Telling them and i quote '' I will never ever ever in my life be with him.''. Now look where i end up with???? Beside HIM!!!! Funny how all the stupid problem we have work out in the end. I have always hated his blurr-ness.... Wait! I still do sometimes. But i guess those blurr-ness of his has made him unique. And I LOVE HIM!!!!!

P.S Maggie, now you, Amanda and Punitha can rub it in my face....

Even though my love story is not as beautiful and memorable to everyone like ''Pride and Prejudice'' but i do have a love story of my own. No matter how imperfect it is, it is still mine. One and only. And i love it!

''I love you, Goodbye dear''

I just read your old post. I don't know why i suddenly have the a feeling to look back at us. I guess you are right. I didn't really give myself a chance to understand you. Maybe it is because i have seen the old you and it is kinda hard for me to believe and accept the new you. To be honest, i am not even sure about YOU. Going through everything made me realise why you hate me so much now. It is more easy to see now. More clearly than last time. When both of us have many things going on in our lives.

I am very happy for you. You found someone that understands you and loves you. From the way she describe how much you mean to her in her blog. It is clear that she loves you lots. Vice verse. I wish you all the best in the future. And lastly, THANKS FOR ALL THE MEMORIES!

Life so far....

I wonder how is my life soon.... Haha what a weird question. Well Ann has started his form 6. In orientation but still is considered starting or started. Feliz with her A-levels (i think)(if that is what she is really doing). I am still home alone everyday. Sitting in front of my computer and just stare at it sometimes. Dave is still in NS. It will take another 3 more weeks till he is finally free. And when he is back, i am starting my class already.

It sucks being at home everyday. Knowing that you don't have a friend to go out with. Well in my case, i don't have any friends. Just me all alone by myself. As usual. Dave ask me to make more friends when my class starts. I am kinda having negative thoughts about it. I mean everything will just probably end up people hating me or not liking me. I guess i am just scared. Scared of having everything and losing it again like in high school. I have to keep telling myself that i am not in high school anymore. But the past still haunts me. That i can't deny.

It got me thinking that all the negative vibe have something to do with his ex-girlfriend. I was randomly checking all my pictures in facebook. Tagging those that i miss out. I found a picture of her, so i tag her. The next thing i get is a comment on my wall calling me an idiot and she asking me to stay off and it is her last warning to me. It hurts! Well technically i was furious. I mean i did nothing wrong. Maybe i was wrong for asking him to go with her and give it a try last time. (i should not have given that advice) Well as for now i am still furious. I don't deserve that!

P.S Yes, AGL, i was really surprise you did the tagging thing. LOL... I am sorry for tagging you to such thing that is just plain wasting your time.....

Weekend sleep over at Mag's house

THE slumber party is over..... I won't call it a slumber party though. Its more of a sleep over. Everything didn't went according to plan except the beach thing. Love that part! With the moon and sea breeze and Dave there... It is so prefect!

Desmond turn out to be really cool..... He don't talk much but he is kinda fun to hang around with. As usual, me and Mag are constantly crazy. Laughing for no specific reason. Like two lunatic. Haha!!! LOVE HER LOTZ!!!!! The cooking was fun. I went girly when it comes to cooking. Running away for the pan. As far as possible. Finally, Mag take over. Haiz.... pai sheh.... Des's squid was awesome.... Mag keep eating. Hide beside her and keep eating. Is her plan. I knew it! She don't want let me eat! SOBZ.... Her evil plan! The chicken soup was extremely salty! It is over my limit! Even i think it is salty.

Dave is so sick... He is burning when i went and see him. Gave him all the medicine but end up at night he eats McDonald with us. And he quote ''It is because lack of McDonald that make me sick. I should eat more! By tomorrow i am sure to be healthy''. I don't know how it happen. But the next day he is really fine. Fever is gone. It is so weird....... I wonder will that work for me.....?????

Over all it was fun and great... There is only two things that suck! 1st is at night. Can't sleep for 2 whole night!!!! 2nd is something very sensitive..... I rather not say... Only people there with me would know. Mag would be the most understanding 1. Because even she can't stand it.... LOLZ.....

Slumber Party!

Mother's Day is coming.... I haven't got a clue of what i wanna get for my mom. I am super dead! Dave is another problem. He haven't even thought of Mother's Day yet. I am so screwed!

So...slumber party this weekend at Mag's house. Wow! It is going to be great. I mean Mag, Des, me, Dave, Phoebe and Ivan is going to be there. Is going to be so fun. Until i got a call from Mag telling me that her friend feel awkward about me being there. That hurts! Why does all this things always happen??? And Ivan don't even like the idea that i am around. More hurt! Ouch! Maybe i should not go... But i know that will just piss Mag off more. She is already piss like crap now. I don't wanna make things worse. I just hope things would turn out fine.... If only i could do something to make it better. Love you Maggie! Mxx!!!!

Diploma or Foundation????? / Aussie or my BaBy????

My goodness....my life is so bored!!!! I have nothing to blog about... Can you imagine how meaningless and BORING my life could be???? Mum is messing with my brain again about college. Why must she always do that??? I wanted foundation and i applied for it and got diploma. Wah lah! Her wish came true since she has always wanted me to take diploma instead of foundation. Fine! I finally set my mind on diploma. Then CRAP! She started asking me about foundation. Now i am so freaking confuse.... Forget it! I am going to take diploma in MMU, Melaka then off i go to KL for degree at some other college. By the time i finish my diploma i would be 20. Great time for me to fight for my rights!

Now another headache, Aussie or BaBy???? Aussie my dream. BaBy my love. Damn this SUCKS! Why must everything happen on the same week?????????????? I could have had both... But NOOOOOOOO!!!! I have to choose. Why??? Because life is unfair! They take you on an awesome ride then before you know it, YOU ARE THROWING UP! Well anyway, my choice is stay in mlk. I will have another chance next time. (i guess) Well if i don't, then DAVID TEO KIAN HAN, YOU HAVE TO BRING ME!!!!!!!!

Fate and Destiny

Do you believe in fate??? Do you believe in destiny??? I heard that a friend of my best friend's best friend ask her this question and her answer is that she don't believes it. She believes that our lives is not sculpture from the day we were born. Our lives is made entirely from our own choices and the way we walk life. She disagree strongly about this matter.

Me??? Half i guess. Is true that fate and destiny exist. Because sometimes we really don't have a choice of who we meet and which family we will be in... There might be a lot of things that are form by the choices that we made. But some how, some part of our lives is already been sculpture from the day we were born. In my opinion, i think what we are fated made us stronger. Because we can't change what we have been fated to have or be with. So we learn how to embrace it and live with it. Things that we are fated to live with might be really suck-ish. I mean who doesn't want to have a prefect live. Living your dream. Being able to do what you want. Having the power to create your own destiny. But some part of our lives, we just can't.

To all the people and friends out there that are embracing their own fate and destiny. And go through it no matter how many flaws there is. You all are the best! You all suck -up all the problems you have and still living a happy life no matter how horrid your life can be. You should be proud of yourself. And i personally thinks you all are an inspiration to all human being that are still trying to find the light in their life. CHEERS TO ALL OF YOU!

I doubt myself....

He doubt me... I understand that. I doubt myself too. But i don't want to be doubt. Somehow i guess that won't happen. I would be doubt by him or others... Because of what i have done in my pass.... I don't know how to face him now. I am not answering his calls. I miss him very much. But i don't wanna talk to him. I miss his voice and hugs terribly but i don't wanna see him. There is a part in me that is so dominant of wanting to make him not doubt me anymore.... I want to prove to him. I am not to be doubt anymore. I don't want to see him. I want him to see me. To see what i am doing. To see what i am now, what i am going to be.... I don't want him to doubt me......

Some one get me into this..... And i am stupid enough to follow....

1. The person that tagged you is:
TOH MING ANN!!!!!!

2. Your relationship with him is:
a very very good friend

3. Your first impression of him is:
ermmm.... sorry... i kinda thought he don't like girls

4. The most memorable moments with him:
talking wif him for almost 4 hours during the midnight (due to lack of sleep the next day, both of us look like zombie) (but thats normal for him)

5. The most memorable thing he has said to you is:
"It does not matter what you have done or doing, you will always be my friend and a part of me."

6. If he becomes your lover, you will:
ermm... i don't know... i don't get the question... What does it mean by "you will????"

7. If he became your lover, what should he improve at:
his sarcasm towards people...

8. If he becomes your enemy, what would you do:
cry.... and eventually be the saddest person on earth...

9. If he becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
i have been an total idiot and done crap things....

10.The most desired thing you want to do for him now is:
get him settled down for further studies... but i know that is very impossible...

11. Your overall impression on him:
crazy friend.... wanna know more read one of my post dedicated to him... "For YOU!!!"

12. The characteristic you love most about yourself:
i can go crazy when i need to.... just let myself free...

13. The characteristic you hate most about yourself:
i cared too much smetimes....

14. The most ideal person you want to be is:
errmm.... no one... i love myself.... i wanna be myself!

15. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
you guys are awesome but unfortunately stupid at the same time.... because how could you guys ever care and like a girl like me!!!!????? But anyhow... you guys are still the best and i love you all!!!!!

16. Pass this quiz to 10 people who you want to know how they feel about you:
1. david teo (he is in ns, but whatever)
2. angela ong (i wonder what is her reaction to see-ing this???)
3. joyesh (i know if he have a blog, he will be doing this, then call me idiot)
4. miko (my cousin)
5. ming ming (just for fun)
6. amanda (haha she don't have a blog either)
7. ivan (i am just dreaming about this)
8. johnathan teo (i am dreaming about this too)
9. jason tan (my ex...)
10. wee sheng (my another ex.....)

17. Who is 6 having a relationship with:
he is not in here.... but no 3 is her ex...

18. is 9 a male or female:
male.... a cute 1 too....

19. If 7 and 10 were together, would it be a good thing
it might...i don't mind them being gay... but they wont be able to stand each other....

20. What is 2 studying at the moment:
i got no idea.... havent contact her for a very very long time....

21. When was the last time you had a chat with 3:
yesterday if i am not wrong....

22. What kind of music does 8 like:
i am not sure.... actually i don't know... i think anything in a band and acoustic song with guitar....

23. Does 1 have any siblings:
yes.... is no 8.... his big brother....

24. Will you woo 3:
i don't know what does woo means....but i think i probably do it... unless if its something to do with relationship and touchin him.....

25. How about 7:
what does that mean????? Izzit woo????

26. Is 4 single:
erm...it's complicated....

27. What's the surname of 5:
tan.... this is a weird question...

28. What's the hobby of 5:
ermm....i think probably hanging out with her boyfriend.....(try asking no 10, is her boyfriend, maybe he knows....but i doubt it....)

29. Do 5 and 9 get along well:
they don't know each other.....

30. Where is 2 studying at:
isn't this question same with question no 20???? why ask again????

31. Say something casual about your eyes:
i have double eye lit.... (i think i said the right thing, if i don't..... whatever)

32. Have you tried developing feelings for 5?
err....she is my sister...... (ok, not blood related)

33. Where does 9 live:
klebang, melaka.....

34. What colours does 4 like:
i think white..... and red....

35. Are 5 and 1 good friends
nope..... they are friends i guess but not good friends....

36. Does 7 like 2:
haha.... i don't have answer to that... either way of answering to it i will still get my butt kick.... so i don't know....

37. How did you get to know 2:
same school, same class, same tuition......

38. Does 1 have any pets:
yup.... 3 cats.... but if we ever get married 1 day.... i am getting a dog!

39. Is 7 the sexiest person in the world:
OMG!!!!!! haha.... maybe not to me.... he is still good looking though.... after all he is my ex....

This is a very lame but soothing way to relax...... Still it is STUPID!!!!!

For YOU!

I have a friend. We know each other through my ex-boyfriend. He is a guy. We don't really speak to each other in the beginning. I mean my ex is kinda the...... guy..... Well you know what i mean. So i broke-up with my ex, ok wait, he broke-up with me and then me and this guy started to bond. We became great friend. He is very very smart. I am serious. Very smart. He is a little bit pathetic sometimes. Other than that, he has been a great friend. He would accompany me at night when i cant sleep or just for some stupid reasons. He can get mad just because i said sorry too many times. I did mistake. I should say sorry. But he would still scold me for it. He would stay up just to make sure i sleep early even if he have to work morning tomorrow. He listen to all my complains about who know what stupid things i am saying. And he never once stop me from doing that. When i am with my boyfriend, i don't really have time to sms or reply him. But he never once get mad on me. Maybe he is angry, he just never shows it. Anyway, me and my boyfriend is very glad that we have him as our friend.

I know you would be reading. And if you are, wait i mean you would. Then you should know that you are important. To me. You are great friend, a silly guy with a crazily crafted mind, and i would never want to lose you.

A partially broken friendship....

For a person that doesn't really believe in God. I am definitely being bless with lots of things. I don't know whether i should be happy or sad or frustrated or ANYTHING. She mean a lot to me. I have already almost lost a sister. I don't wish to lose another. Both of them have walk me through lots of crappy and silly stuff in my life. But i don't really care about how crappy and silly those moments are. I just remember that they are there. No matter what. Laughing, crying, hugging and even cursing together. Who cares what people think right?? When you have the most important people in your life holding your hands and walk you through it.

My elder sister is a great person. A bit temper of course. (who doesn't have) But she is still great. She might not have all the experience in life. And might not always know what to advice me when i come to her with the most weirdest and childish problem. But she is still there, just holding the phone and listen to me cry. Listen to me complain about my so-call-pathetic life. It just make me feel so stupid thinking back. Haha...

My little sister is a ....... CRAZY girl. Me and her have a more complicated relationship than me and my elder sister. We have been schoolmate since primary school. We are not really good friends then. Everything started at Form 3. She is not the most prefect sister. You might even have a huge headache talking to her sometimes. (she can eat your mind) Haha.... She might have also like some really unsuitable guys in the past. But that doesn't matter. No one is prefect. Not even me. I have made some really stupid mistake of mine too. The point is, she has been a really awesome sister to me. When i am sad, i call her, i will cry. But she don't give a damn. Nothing can make her stop saying silly things just to make me smile and laugh like hell. She would go at any length to make me not sane and just go crazy and remind me what my propose in life is. Live life to the fullest everyday.

Three of us have gone through many obstacle in our friendship. We sometimes get influence by what others says and we did something that hurt our friendship. A year ago, something very unpleasant happen. I am not blaming anyone for what that has happen.Because that would not do any good. The incident have shaken our friendship. And now it is partially broken. My elder sister is trying to find herself on her own. I respect that and i know we all have to go through that stage in our life somehow. My little sister, she is facing college. It is tough but i know she can hang in there. She will blend in. But that is also probably the most scariest thing i am facing right now. She will blend in. I don't want to say much. in case i offend anyone. I just wish history does not repeat the THIRD time....

P.S The comment really stunned me. It caught me off guard. I thought you know me. Out of all the people.....

A cut that never seem to heal.....

I am sad. Deep in me i am hurt by what you have done. But it does not matter to you anymore. I am no one to you. Not even a friend. That is how you are. Maybe i did do mistake and be selfish about us. But i cannot think of a reasonable reason why are you acting this way towards me. All the words.... Now you are saying to her. I am not jealous. I just dont understand how you move on so fast. If you say i did the same to you, then you are wrong. I never say i love you more than a friend. I like you. When i am with you, i have always been truthful. I guess you just dont see it in your eyes. I dont blame you. A girl like me is very hard to trust. I never make my choice from what "THE MARKET" is offering. I make my choice from my heart. And i love him. That is why i am with him. I am very happy that you found someone. At least you are cheerful again. I guess me and you are just like that, friend, no friend, friend again and finally no friend. I just want you to know that i treasure you alot. More than other people think i should. You would always be my friend no matter what happen. Finally, I AM SORRY!

I care too much......

I am not shock of what you are saying. But i am stunned. You are living in your own world. I never tell anyone about the relationship. Not just you. They ask i answer. They never ask i say nothing. Is just that simple. You posted a comment on his page. I assume you know. I am sorry that would my fault. I should not have assume. You promise something to me. And as usual, you never keep it. Is not his fault that you think i am a fake to you. So why drag him in???? I do care for you. You got no idea how many people just ask me to stop caring so much about you. But never listen. I guess i have to bare with the result now....

The End of "Confused"

I am not blaming anyone. I am those people that got no idea what she did that makes people angry. (unless if its obvious) If you say i started all this then i will end it now.... Sorry my emotion just got on to me at that moment..... Not acting innocent. There is nothing innocent about me. And i am very clear about that. Sorry for all the trouble....

As promise and more....

This is the result after.... Ok ok....it might not be the same day. But at least u can see him "bald".

This is before we went in the salon.....

As promise pictures taken from A'Famosa.... Sorry it took so long..... Very lazy lately....
And some are just random..... Showing people how "bald" is David now.....

Just updating

I have just receive the offer letter from MMU the other day.... I feel so suck-ish... I applied for foundation but i guess i am just to stupid so they put me down to diploma... I really dont want to go for diploma.... It make me feel so unqualified for foundation.... But i talk to a friend today and he encourage me to go for diploma..... I can still work my way up from there.... Just have to be more hardworking.... Well then, thanks to him... I have decided that i will stick to diploma.... I am fortunate enough to have a chance to study. So i should not be so picky.... I mean it is my own fault for getting such horrible result.... I have myself to blame for everything....

David leave for NS again today. After few days of MC from NS due to his gastric..... Really want him to be back and dont have to go again.... But instead i just pray hard that he will be fine and stay healthy. Thats all that matter.... I will wait.... It is only 2 months and a few weeks left.... (Oi! I sound so pathetic!) Time will go fast.... Nothing to worry about..... He will be back and this time i hope (please GOD!!! Let us finish that level) we can finish HOTD4.... We are always so close..... Err.....hate it!

Confused 3

I am not angry and i do care even if any of you guys dont. I dont have to have a life because i am living in one now and i love it.... I am not saying i want you to come up to me and say "Hi! I miss you so much!!!" I dont expect anything from you now... I just wish that one day if after many years and i meet you on the street, i just dont wish we look like we dont know each other. Thats all. I know you dont care. In fact, you dont have to.... I am not even angry that you blame everything on me or say i started everything. If you like it better that i am invisible then so be it.... If it makes you guys happy then it is fine by me...

P.S. I am not trying to pretend to be nice here. Whether you believe or not. I am just saying whatever i really felt....

11/03/2009 Wednesday

I am so broke.... Thought of staying home with him... Wash the car, go swimming and maybe to the mall for a walk... Window shopping... Woken up at 6:13 a.m by his call... Shockingly telling me that he is outside my house.... Went for a walk around my taman with him... Then fetch my cousin (June) to school at 7 a.m. Went for breakfast after that... Came home.... So boring.... So wanna go swimming.... Went all the way to Tiara Resort but the workers there say it only open at 1 p.m... So sad... SOBZ.... It was only 11:30 a.m that time.... Went back home to my taman to swim.... Worse!!! Open only at 3:30 p.m. Sobbing and cursing all the way back home.... At 12:30 p.m., I got so crazy and just start packing my stuff and tell him "Lets go Water World!" And surprisingly he answer back "Ok, why not??" Funny thing about all this is that both of us got no idea how to get there.... Haha.... Thank god we bought a map that day.... Get in the car and start searching for the roads.... At 1.15 p.m., we reach and bought the ticket for RM35. (So freaking expensive for a place that dirty and crappy) But over all it is ok.... (i guess) Oh ya, the ticket include a set lunch... Ok, lets not talk about what i ate.... I will post the picture as soon as possible...

Came back home at 5:30 p.m. And the rest of the day is pretty much being ruin by both of our parents..... Sigh*

Confused 2

There is so many things i wanna say to you guys... My feeling now, i just wanna yell out loud. BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But thats not really what i want to say. I really wish i can be lock up 1 day in a room with you... I dont even mind if in the beginning you wanna yell at me... I just wanna talk to you and make you understand what i really meant to say... I am not angry or hate you girls even if i am invisible or a bitch to you girls... What i wrote in my blog is the truth... I am not lying... There might be a lot of misunderstanding in all this crap..... 1 very important thing tat i wanna say is about AGLN. I am very speechless because someone just came to me 1 day and tells me that she dislike me. My first reaction was "????HUH???? What i did???".

P.S I seriously do not know why you hate me.... SOBZ.....

Me = xxx????

Very confused... I guess i am being really stupid asking her who is it... But i really dont know at that moment.... I cant put my hand on the delete button to delete those post.... To me, those are my stories....my past... It does not matter to me whether it is sad, happy or anything else... What matter is, it is my past and i would really want it to be a part of me now... Because my past have made me who i am now.... I might not be prefect. I might have people that dislike me... But whatever it is, i love who i am now.... I am learning everyday from everything i did in my past... So i really cant find a way to delete them... I am really sorry my mei mei.... I know you would think i am really selfish for hurting you.... But it has been a choice that i have made from the day i start accepting myself... I love and care for you very very much.... But i am sorry about the choice that i have made.....

A post that meant to be for myself....

I am not saying that no one understand what i am going through.... But understanding and being on the spot is two very different thing... My brain and my everything is craving for attention now... I want attention surround me non-stop.... And those attention would lead to hurt for other people... I should not be jealous. In fact i have no rights to be jealous... If i really am jealous, then i should better isolate myself from the world... From everything!!!! But i cant. I cant stop seeking for attention that i dont deserve... That was not mine to have... How do i stop??? I wanna blame someone for all the mess i am creating here... But i cant. Because it is no one's fault. It is just my own stinking rubbish... A huge pile of rubbish in my head that i cant seem to get rid off... I wanna quit my job, run up to KL and work for my aunt, hide up there as long as possible while waiting for college to start. Finally get into college and settle down. Throw myself into a pile of homework or whatever assignment. Maybe that time all the books could help my get through this stupid and pathetic stage in my life... And again, i cant. I have made a commitment that i would work till the end of April. If i quit now, i would create a lot of trouble. Running up to KL is not going to solve anything at all. I probably create more mess-up situations. Sigh* Why dont i have a brain that work properly??? A brain, body and heart that communicate in a directly proportional way???

Goodbye my mei mei......

I know always assuming things that i am not sure about would probably be a stupid move... But i cant seem to stop it.... If i am not wrong, they are back together... I just went to his friendster profile and saw their photo... As i have promise, i would respect your decision. Even if you dont wanna tell me that both of you are together. I would just assume. If whatever happen last time make him learn to appreciate you more then i am very happy for you. Even if he hates me now, i still think it is worth it... At least you are happy.... I wish you all the best with him... I wont bother you no more... I guess he wont want you to have anything to do with me.... Dont worry... I know what to do... I would silently walk away... Goodbye my mei mei.....

Out Of My Mind!!!!!

What is wrong with my brain???? Haha.... It keep playing games with me... I keep having different emotions... So weird... Is like 1 minute i care so much and the next minutes i just dont really seem to care.... Cant seem to get my brain.... Can you believe it??? My own brain!!!! This is funny at the same time very weird.... I guess me and my brain dont always speak the same language... Do anyone know how to communicate with my brain??? Please leave a message or call me... I would really appreciate it.... Will be waiting....

I am SORRY!

I am fine... Listen to her... Or maybe not... Listen to yourself... You know my answer... I would not accept anyone now... Not even if edward is standing in front of me... Or kneeling down to beg me.. I just wont and i cant..... I have lots of thinking to do... Its not anyone's problem it is just mine... T is a great girl... But dont just jump to her just because this does not work out... I am not jealous. I just think you should be more clear minded first.... You dont have to constantly like someone... I am sorry i make you misunderstand... I should not have treat you that good... I will keep my distant starting from today....

Random...???

I love this picture so much.... when we are crazy together....

My sister... She is always the best in those woo-hoo things!!! Hehe...

Me and my bro.... Love him lots....

After movies with him and my friends... Isnt he cute??? Best guy in the world o....

F myself!!!!!!!!!!

Do i still mind??? Why do i still get butterflies in my stomach when i see those pictures??? I am really confused... Why can i get over every great guy i have ever been with but not this jerk??? Why do my heart still ache everytime i think of him??? I wanna cry... I really wanna cry... But my tears just wouldnt come out... I want to cry so much... So badly... I want my eyes to ache.... I want to shout out loud!!!! I wanna lose my voice... I want to look him in the eyes and tell him, he is a jerk.... I want to yell at him!!!!!!!!!!! I hate myself so much!!!!!!!!!!!!

Medicine + Valentine = ?????

Lol.... People tend to misunderstand for even slight actions.... It was valentine last 2 night and i heard my friend was finding for a medicine so i just get it for him when i saw it... gave it to him on that day... And people just start creating stories... That i "like" him... This is so funny.... It is a medicine... Medicine + Valentine = ???? They dont mix.... If his girlfriend is reading this... It is just for a friend. Thats it... Nothing else.... And i have never "like" him before.... Nothing happen before.... Friends last time and friends always.... LOL...

Till next year's valentine.....

2009 Valentine past just like that.... It is absolutely not what i have expected it might be... To be honest it kinda just feel like any other outing day i always have.... Nothing special.... We were rushing all the time.... We did not even have a proper dinner.... I expected tonight to be simple and calm.... I dont even mind having instant noodle for valentine dinner... I thought we would be spending time chatting and watch a movie at your house... To me that would have been a great valentine already.... I dont mean i dont enjoy it... It just not what i have expected.... I wasnt that into rushing and driving everywhere because i was tired... I am sorry... But thanks for being there with me as a friend... Even after i have been such an a**.....

Last Supper.....

Hate it when a small misunderstand makes people hate me... What have i done again??? I have explain everything and what i really mean to say.... Why does she still hate me???? There goes another friend.... Well i dont even think she even thought me as one before.... Haiz... I still have face her everyday.... So i guess the LAST SUPPER that night at Jonny's would be the end of all the awesome memories i have.... Sobbing away now... Just read her blog... I dont know if she mean me or not... But i just assume because its pretty obvious....

"The Walk"

I know being in love probably would be the greatest feeling in the world... I would really wish i could feel it some day... But i am very sure i hope that day dont come anytime soon... I have to take a walk with myself first before i could take someone along with me... I would walk with someone one day... But that day would be a long wait... All i cant do now is to try my very best to finish this walk of mine first and on the way not to get tempted by anything around me... I need to know my strength.....

Now my first priority is to stay working as long as i could. Get into college. Settle down. And then i might think about it... Think about what i am going to do next....

Valantine Day craziness

Omg omg!!!! I have to stop!!! STOP STOP STOP!!!!!!!!!!! I have to stop doing this! Stop doing things that would end up hurting people... I cant do this no more... I cant stand it... Being such an absolute idiot... Being so easily affected...

I cant be in love... I DONT WANNA BE IN LOVE!!!!!! Errrrr.... i feel like knocking myself to the wall now. Bang Bang and Bang!!!! Knock some sense out off me... Out of my brain.

Hypothesis :
1st - I am thinking overly crazy about everything... Thinking in so many different ways that everything got jumble up and now i am going woo-hoo....

2nd - I am not over him... Not over that idiot jerk that has been killing me for the past one and a half year... Still got sad every time i think of him...not for what he have done to me. But is to what i have feel about him all this time. Which i am still confused. I just feel sad and gloomy each time i think of him...

3rd - Having some mental problem or phobia against relationships issues... Just wanna get as far away as possible from it...

Conclusion : All three hypothesis is accepted. In short form.... I am a crazy, pathetic, freaking a**hole!!!!

Hmm......

Saturday is valentine day.... Havent been spending valentine alone for quite a long time... Its going to be a very interesting valentine this year.... Good thing is, i dont have to spend any money to buy anyone anything.... The best thing is i dont have to think of what to buy...

Now a days, its weird when i see couple holding hands or hugging... My heart just have a sudden "BUZZ"... Haha its kinda funny.... I got sad for a moment then after that i am smiling away... The weirdest thing is....i actually like that feeling.... Its very calming.... Like a one of a kind of medicine... Its bitter and sweet at the same time....

I wonder.... How am i going to spend valentine this year??? Hmm.... Seriously i dont really mind staying home and blog all night.... But i kinda sound a bit pathetic dont it??? So i think i would go out.... Now another question, who would i go out with???? Thats a very tough question.... To be honest i dont even know if i have the strength to go out on that day... I have been working my butt off with 4 days of full time shift.... Waking up early and coming back at twilight hours.... My brain is currently going through a serious malfunction... Cant think properly since last night.... I have a huge problem in absorbing information now....

Wait!!! I am going way off topic... Back to valentine... I think my brain have just shut off... Suddenly i cant think of anything.... What to do or even what to type anymore... All i noe now is eat up and go sleep.... very very very sleepy....

Weird.... but GOOD....

I finally did it.... What i should have done long ago.... Officially single and unavailable..... Want to spend some alone time with myself first.... Pamper myself and go crazy..... Enjoy every moment of fresh new air.... I havent been tasting this 'flavour' of air for a long time.... I am kinda new to it.... Like i just enter a whole different world... A world that is filled with total different 'flavour' kind of air.... It makes me curious everyday.... Wondering about what is going to happen....

I dont know how i can stand it... The temptation.... Is like my body dont respond to it anymore... Of course my brain still does... "It" keep asking me why am i restraining all the temptation around me... But i did not.. My body just walk away from it. Its weird i know. I cant explain it either... But i kind of like it though... I usually feel really stupid and bad after i get tempted... Now...things is getting weirder but better.... Its fun too.... Haha...

Surprises from my sis....

I have never thought that i mean so much to her.... I have always thought that F was always first in her mind.... Until today..... I have just read her blog... It surprise me a lot... I have always been and still am always the first 1.... And that i am that important to her... I dont remember what i have done to deserve that... I have always try my best to be there but she never seem to want it.... When she ran away from home, i beg my mum to let her stay at my house even for a night... But she always refuse my help....

Now i wonder... How many people some more that is out there that i mean so much to???? That i have never know.... Or am i just dreaming... I am not important at all to anyone...